The New York Times is trying to destroy America. That story about tracking of financial records proves it. They've always been against the Red, White, and Blue. I think they really have a direct line to Osama Bin Laden and they send him classified information at every turn. How else would he know that Bush won the election, for intance. It's not like the terrorists have their own sources of information and are careful to avoid getting caught, or that they had any clue that the U.S. was tracking financial records and were using other methods of moving money around. Those are just rumors started by America haters. It's all the fault of the New York Times.
Of course it's not the fault of the Wall Street Journal. They released the story too, but it's not the same. They aren't trying to destroy America. How do I know this? Well, it's so simple that I am embarrassed to have to explain it to you. The way I know is that the Bush administration singled out the New York Times, and didn't mention the WSJ. I trust GW. He would never use issues like that for political reasons. I am sure that the fact that his conservative base hates the NYTs, or that there's an election coming up never entered his head. He is just too focused on protecting this country.
I have also come to realize that when people in his administration(and here's a big shoutout to to my dawgs Dick Cheney and Karl Rove!) leaked Valerie Plame's identity they weren't trying to destroy America either, they were saving it. I mean, OK on the face of it, it looks bad. Sorta like maybe they were just trying to discredit information that might prevent their plans for their little war. But you know that's impossible. They just have too darn much integrity. So is it really important that the cover of the front company that she worked for (that tried to find information about terrorists trying to acquire WMD), was blown? Oh I don't think so. We don't need intelligence, we have George Bush and his merry band. After all, look what a good job they did of predicting outcomes in Iraq. All I have to do is look at them and feel a rush of inspiration and confidence in my belly. Of course that might just be the freedom fries I had for lunch causing that, but what's the difference really. Freedom is slavery, ignorance is truth, and arbeit macht frei.
Muzzling any honest information coming out of the press is a great idea. It only risks upsetting people. That might get them all riled up and demand change or something. They have more important things to do. Survivor version 13123, Davenport IA will be on soon. Talk about some valuable life lessons! Water balloon races will teach your children what the world is really all about. We don't need to know the government tracking our phone and library records, we don't need to know that everything government does seems to benefit the powerful and rich at our expense. We don't need to know that our country counts among it's allies some of the worst human rights abusers on the planet. We don't need to know that thousands of people in the world are dying, and a great deal of it is either our fault directly, or we have complicity.
Damn I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up such unpatriotic topics. Well I have a confession to make. I was in on the plot to destroy America. Yep, nothing I wanted to see more than this country gone. Michael Moore and Al Gore called me everyday with instructions. I mean, it's not like I loved my little daughter or anything, and wanted her to have a decent place to live in. I really didn't care if she had a good life. As long as America was destroyed, that's all I cared about. But thank God, no more. I love our Dear Leader. Hopefully they will shut down all the newspapers soon so he can continue to do his good work. Well they can leave the Wall Street Journal of course. That way they can tell us what the President wants us to know. What He says is good enough for me and it better be good enough for you too, well, if you love America and don't like being water boarded that is.