And why is it, that our worst fears and predictions about these idiots are always so perfectly fulfilled? Stop the presses! Gonzales is a liar! Gonzales is an unqualified hack brought in on account of cronyism! But then we all knew that from the beginning. But what is all this about “misspoke”? Who is she anyway?
This really changes everything: “What I MEANT to say was, “I DID have sex with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky”. Wow, what a difference THAT makes eh?
How does this happen? I’ve misspoken a few times in my own life. It usually involves either some kind of stuttering, immediately followed by “I mean”, or a great big “wait, I’m sorry, I meant to say”. But I’ve never “Misspoken” for 4 hours. Or 24 hours. Or misspoken exactly the same “misspeak” a dozen times over the course of a week. Is this some kind of neurological problem? Does it have a name? Let’s giver it one: Perhaps “Specifically Prolifically Irretrievably Targeted Turret’s Talking Ass Karl Erasure Syndrome"? Go ahead and use the acronym “S.P.I.T.T.A.K.E.S.” for short...
Apparently there is also significant “memory loss” associated with the disorder. So much, that Mr. Gonzales couldn’t recall FIFTY FIVE times in the first 2 hour testimonial session alone. After that, people just stopped counting you know.
Well this is incredibly serious. This is not a well man. But I have to wonder about something; given his severe and extensive memory losses, and given the vast amount of time which went by during which he was repeatedly “misspeaking”: just how is it that he even recalls misspeaking? Amnesia is nothing if not mysterious.
Gonzales should never have been confirmed. Mental illness is tragic, but that’s no reason to make mental cases Attorney General of the United States. Not when the Presidency is apparently so much more suitable.
I am also concerned that S.P.I.T.T.A.K.E.S. is contagious. I don’t recall the disease being around before….-oh I don’t know-… maybe 2001? Maybe I have it too? How would I know? Gonzales doesn’t seem to know he’s infected. 38 percent of the country doesn’t seem to know that the White House is infected. Well, there ARE advantages to a President living in the bubble after all! You and I are safe as long as we don’t go into the bubble, right? I mean what could happen really? A second baseless war for oil on false charges? No, been there done that. I just hope they remember.
I think maybe we need to just stay in Iraq now.
Note: I was going to include this article under the subject heading of “20 most courageous dems”, but then I did the math and decided not to.
Jay Esbe is a writer with a background in cultural anthropology and comparative religion and lives in Seattle Washington.
