"My goal is to cut government in half...to get it down to the size where we can drown it in the bathtub." -- Grover Norquist

Dontcha just love murder mysteries? Someone is always dying under suspicious circumstances -- falling off a cliff, getting poisoned, drowning in a bathtub. But who would think that federal agencies could get drowned in bathtubs too? And who done it? That's no mystery: George W. Bush and the neo-cons.

Even Nancy Drew could figure that one out.

But what amazes me is why -- with one regulatory body after another turning up dead -- why are these killers still on the loose?

"The bastards! They killed FEMA!" Yep.

After the Katrina tragedy and FEMA's body floated ashore, nobody did anything to stop the killers from striking again. And then we found HUD's body buried in the back yard. The FCC's body turned up in Rupert Murdoch's pocket. The FDA's body was found bludgeoned to death on K Street . The EPA's body was discovered floating face-down in Lake Erie . And NORAD died a fiery death in September of 2001.

Bodies keep piling up here. Even Miss Marple is shocked. But the most shocking body of all to turn up so far is the poor mangled corpse of the National Guard. It too was discovered in New Orleans -- in the basement of the Superdome. And instead of the National Guard saving the day after the levee broke, we got stuck with Blackwater.

When trying to solve a mystery, its always worthwhile to look for a motive. But why would the serial killers in the White House want the National Guard dead? What would their motive be? Killing off regulatory agencies is one thing. But killing off the Guard? That doesn't make any sense -- unless of course you are planning a coup....

PS: "That's the end of your essay?" asked my best critic, my son. "That doesn't make sense. A coup? That's it? Could you be a bit more specific?"

"Okay, here it is, all spelled out. Bush just signed a statement saying that if there was ANY national emergency, then he would seize the reins of the government. But if Bush and/or Cheney did try to seize the government, it's pretty clear that the lower echelons of the military would not support them because, from what I could tell when I was in Iraq this spring, the average American soldier basically thinks that Bush is a joke. However, the desk-jockeys at the Pentagon WOULD support Bush if he decided to take over the government. He gave them their jobs, he pays their salaries, they're his guys. And Bush also has the Blackwater paramilitary mercenaries on his side." I hate spelling stuff out. Too many details! "But Bush and Cheney don't have to worry about the lower echelons of the military, because they are out of the way -- safely shipped off to Iraq . So if Bush does pull a coup, they would not be a factor one way or the other."

"But what does all this have to do with the National Guard?" asked my son.

"They would be America 's protection against a Bush-Cheney coup." And as we learned the hard way during Katrina, the Guard has also been shipped off to Iraq, leaving America alone and clueless. In the library. With Col. Mustard -- and the knife."

PPS: Recently Bush-Cheney henchman Rick Santorum actually made the following statement: "...while it may not be a popular thing to talk about right now, and I know public sentiment is against it, [the current neo-con presidential candidates] understand the importance of the national security of this country, and they also understand that between now and November, a lot of things are going to happen, and I believe that by this time next year, the American public's going to have a very different view of this war, and it will be because, I think, of some unfortunate events, that like we're seeing unfold in the UK."

So. Has Santorum inadvertently let it slip that another "national emergency" such as 9-11 is in the planning stage -- one that will create a justification for martial law? Blackwater-style?