I, of course, mean a British Republican. It is the Queen's OFFICIAL birthday today so here is my official rant about royalty.The Brit Royal Family is descended from, amongst others, Henry the Eighth. This guy was a mass murdering woman abuser, who terrorised an entire country into changing its religion. Ahh...our heritage!

The present lot are a little milder, but still massively wealthy, out of touch with people, undemocratic and if anything like other rich Brits, look down their noses at the US. We should use this fact in conversation with Americans who still find these people admirable.

Americans still love Diana, so we won 't bad mouth her in polite conversation. After agreeing her charity work was a welcome change, we should remind them that her partner, when she died, a Muslim was, in fact, a potentially invaluable aid to race relations and religious tolerance.

Maybe the conspiracists are right although with a completely drunk and drugged driver how much work would an assassin have to do? However she died though, she saved the monarchy in Britain. Her death made it popular again.

People now want her son, William, as king and not his diddly dad, Prince Charles, who is not media-friendly and is gaffe-prone. William however, is handsome, so therefore he (somehow) will be a wonderful king.

They survived the brother Harry dressing as a Nazi at a party. So where was the minder/advisor? What language did he use to try and dissuade him? How many examples of people who would be offended did he give? Or did he just say "Don 't wear that you mindless pillock " and was ignored?