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Civil War? Depends on the Definition

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Is Iraq in a civil war? Well according to President Bush, that depends on what the meaning of the word "is" is.

Two hundred people killed last Thursday alone? Those aren't the violent side effects of two warring sects of people hell-bent on destroying each other. In fact, to even think that those people died is exactly what the terrorists want you to believe.

All this civil war talk is patently Democratic Party propaganda intended to make us all think like terrorists.

If there weren't so many defeatocrats running around in Washington, we could all live happily thinking that those 200 people were still alive...driving nice big SUVs, paying down that dream home in the ritzy suburb of Baghdad so coveted among circles of housewives, watching Iraqi Idol...

In fact, if people would just shut up and let Bush create reality, Iraq would be such a better place. They'd have running water and schools and roads and police and lots of sunshine and McDonald's and Starbucks. Let's just close our eyes for a second and make the moon crater that is Baghdad look like Sacramento. Come on. Flowers everywhere.

Because it is not as if the Sunni and Shiite reprisal attacks that involve pulling Iraqis off buses and slaughtering members of the opposite sect is civil war; it's not that the Sunni and Shiites bombings of rival mosques or open gunfights between the two sects constitutes a civil war. Guns, bombs, executions. That's not civil war folks.

In fact, that just sounds like an average day in Los Angeles. But those dang pesky liberals and al Qaeda operatives...they're trying to make us THINK there is a civil war. And we won't let them!

We're here to tell you what the definition of "is" is. We're even reclassifying what "civil war" is. This death and destruction isn't death and destruction until we say it is.

Meanwhile, nobody's telling us how all this talk of a civil war is making Big Oil feel uncomfortable. There are lots of Big Oil executives with a vested interest in keeping violence in Iraq labeled "insurgency." How are they going to extract all that oil and pocket all those billions of dollars soaked in the blood of US soldiers if we decide to pull out because it's a "civil war?"

I wonder if Bush's memorial library will include a dictionary bearing his name complete with his own unique definitions.
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Dean Powers lives in Castleton, VT. He has apprenticed at several newspapers including The Nation. He currently writes for OpEdNews. He can be found at facebook.com/deanppowers.

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