Bush Busted in Public Toilet: Read All About it

Bush, Cheney and Gonzales are in transit in the Minneapolis airport. Dubya goes for a whiz and 15 minutes later is led out of the men's room, handcuffed, in the custody of an undercover police officer. Cheney and Gonzales accompany the president for the interrogation, a transcript of which is shared here below:

(BEGIN AUDIO CLIP)

DAVE BOSNIA, INVESTIGATIVE SERGEANT: Do you wish to talk to us at this time?

BUSH: So, I go into the bathroom here, as I normally do. I was gonna take a dump...you know, take a load off my mind...had a big bowl of chili on the flight down here....

CHENEY: whispers loudly: Damn it George...I told you to say you were going in to search for weapons of mass destruction...can't you get anything right!

BOSNIA: OK....you may continue Mr. President... 

BUSH: So I sat down to go to the bathroom. And you said our feet bumped. Well there's just no way that happened at all. And the next thing I knew, under the bathroom divider comes a card that says "Police." I naturally assumed you were looking for my autograph. Happens to me in bathrooms all the time. You wanna make somethin' of it?

BOSNIA: OK. I don't want to get into a pissing match here.

BUSH: We're not going to, Bubba, I can assure you that. What's your beef anway? You think I'm some kind of homo or somethin'? Is that it? You think I'm some kind of faggot?

BOSNIA:  Actually I don't care if you are gay...this is a free country. I wouldn't waste taxpayers money trying to expose harmless gay adults or corrupt elected officials enjoying themselves in the privacy of their own public restrooms. That's just the kind of trivia that CNN would spend a lot of time on instead of exposing treason and war crimes. But not someone like me. I'm a public servant.

BUSH: I don't -- I am not gay. I don't do these kinds of things and...

CHENEY: It's too late for denials George. You have to play hardball with guys like this. Threaten a pre-emptive nuclear strike on his home if he doesn't leave you alone. We can send in a paramilitary unit and toast his whole neighborhood. Later we'll blame it on Muslim extremists. We can even coat his house with depleted plutonium like we did with the hospitals in Fallujah.

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