Why the roof don't git fixed

A joke so old it was current when we said “Hillbilly” instead of “Redneck:”

Dang! Ats some hole ya got in ya roof. Don’t it rain in a lot?
Uh-huh. Leaks like a bastard.
How come ya don’t fix it?
When it’s rainin’ it’s too wet to work and when it ain’t rainin' the roof don’t leak.

Sure enough, the drop in gas prices has started a fall-off in hybrid car sales, repeating a pattern of dumbth I’ve seen over and over since the early seventies. Human nature being what it is, males want their cars to brag “Mine is bigger than yours,” and females want to announce “I’m more fashionable than you are.” Bigger and fashionabler means S.U.V.s, bastard offspring of trucks and sedans, and cushy knockoffs of armored vehicles for guys who never gave up their GI Joe toys.

Granted, people have a God-given, Constitution-sanctioned fundamental right to be dumb, so what’s the problem? The next time gas prices skyrocket, they’ll just be stuck again with gas guzzlers. So ha-ha-ha on them.

Warning: non-profit promo ahead.

My dearly beloved Mazda MPV was withdrawn from the market for a few years and I mourned its passing. Now it’s back as the Mazda 5, still driving like a sport sedan, still six passenger, still with safe, convenient sliding rear doors, still 14 inches shorter than a Chrysler Town and Country, and still under $25K for the luxury leather model.

Only now its EPA highway rating is 27 mpg. That’s thirty seven percent better than my MPV! Clearly, Mazda has got the clue. For all our sakes, we must force Detroit to get it too.