Share on Google Plus Share on Twitter Share on Facebook 2 Share on LinkedIn Share on PInterest Share on Fark! Share on Reddit Share on StumbleUpon Tell A Friend (2 Shares)  
Printer Friendly Page Save As Favorite View Favorites View Stats   2 comments

OpEdNews Op Eds

The Uber-Capitalists: Obstructing Economic Recovery?

By (about the author)     Permalink       (Page 1 of 2 pages)
Related Topic(s): ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; (more...) ; ; ; ; ; ; ; , Add Tags  (less...) Add to My Group(s)

View Ratings | Rate It

opednews.com

- Advertisement -

(A Pragma-Economic Action Plan.)

To recap [1], the fundamental breakthrough of Pragma-Economics is a recognition that the affluent are a market commodity [2]. The importance of this entrepreneurial and socio-economic innovation rivals that of the mortgage-backed security, the hedge fund, and other financial-sector prestidigitations.

By re-positioning these troubled and troublesome pseudo-assets, guerrilla economists can repackage the affluent, resell them, and then further bundle and relabel them, passing this jet-set jetsam through several additional permutations, the final commodity retaining almost no olfactory remnant to betray its origins.

Initial public roll-outs were an unqualified success. One derivatives trading firm re-emerged as a public-sector union. The members immediately went on strike [3]. Several anonymous investors, receiving the news, were stricken by a mysterious affliction and rushed to local hospitals [4].

From http://www.flickr.com/photos/28287289@N02/10961579226/
(image by Floris M. Oosterveld)   DMCA

Any fundamental socio-economic market correction causes disruptive dislocation as it seeks a new equilibrium. One venture capitalist, distraught at the prospect of decreasing income inequality, plunged to his death from a financial district office tower [5].

As detailed in the previous expose, pragmaconomists offer paradigm-shifting, shovel-ready solutions to the problem of the surplus-affluent and their protracted obstruction of the nation's economic recovery. Congress, deadlocked by the malfeasance of Republican "Richies", was nonetheless browbeaten by public outcry into passing a WPA [6] Act. After years of pro-affluent legislation, quid pro quo, and "constituent meetings" devoted to bonking K-Street bimbos, pragma-pundits dub this sea change in legislative productivity "epic". 

- Advertisement -

From http://www.flickr.com/photos/60286259@N05/7581800578/
(image by Raido Kaldma)   DMCA

Using innovative socio-mediant protocols, the act empowers HHS to re-position affluent commodities for maximum economic utility. Thus empowered, a portion of these vastly overvalued villains have been parceled out to  public-interest groups for re-branding [7] and put to work on public-infrastructure projects [8] .

The public has been overwhelmingly supportive of these job-creating initiatives for the underemployed elite. Several pedestrians in Times Square, interviewed at random, gushed with unabashed enthusiasm. "It's so exciting to see them become productive!" cheered one woman, a teacher visiting from central Minnesota. 

Another, a man who owns a small business in Portland, Oregon, was less avid. "Yeah, I hired some "Richies". Had a few problems with the dress code, if ya know what I mean."

- Advertisement -

Another pedestrian, a New York native and therapist, was hopeful. "By actually mingling with complex, well-rounded and tolerant people, the affluent may evolve semi-emotive and semi-empathetic skillsets that cause the casual observer to mistake them for... (a tear was seen forming in his eye.)... human beings! It's potentially wonderful!"  

From http://www.flickr.com/photos/32162360@N07/9318463517/
(image by UK in Italy)   DMCA

Skeptics of restorative market correction ask, "What about all the capital amassed by such people, and by these firms?" Guerrilla economists cite the Pragmaconomist Primer [9]: "This capital is actually heavily repackaged earnings of a much humbler origin." Ever pragmatic, guerrilla economists return this misappropriated capital to the citizens who labored to earn it, stating, "Diffuse and distributed investments of smaller amounts of capital, made by a union of citizens acting with enlightened self-interest [10], govern and nourish a sustainable and stable economy, one that serves the needs of every citizen, not merely a money-addicted minority."

Editor's Note: Events in the Pragma-Economic Revolution unfold hourly and across the globe. Even as this article was posted to the web, a still newer sub-discipline has emerged among the social sciences. Promising to address the psycho-social disruptions of market correction, Psycho-Economics has sent the academic world tumbling. More to follow...

Footnotes:

Next Page  1  |  2

 

Satirist Maynard McKillen hails from Wisconsin, where he enjoys skewering the idiots of the Republican-majority state government.

Share on Google Plus Submit to Twitter Add this Page to Facebook! Share on LinkedIn Pin It! Add this Page to Fark! Submit to Reddit Submit to Stumble Upon


Go To Commenting

The views expressed in this article are the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of this website or its editors.

Writers Guidelines

Contact Author Contact Editor View Authors' Articles
- Advertisement -

Most Popular Articles by this Author:     (View All Most Popular Articles by this Author)

Why Did We Once Have a Gun-free Commons?

The Uber-Capitalists: Obstructing Economic Recovery?

The One-Percenters: a surplus commodity?

Comments

The time limit for entering new comments on this article has expired.

This limit can be removed. Our paid membership program is designed to give you many benefits, such as removing this time limit. To learn more, please click here.

Comments: Expand   Shrink   Hide  
2 people are discussing this page, with 2 comments
To view all comments:
Expand Comments
(Or you can set your preferences to show all comments, always)

lop the head off of this economic weed.... by Maynard McKillen on Friday, Nov 22, 2013 at 3:49:53 PM
Get $10 off your first ride with UBER! use sign u... by Maria Jones on Saturday, Nov 23, 2013 at 3:51:56 PM