(A Pragma-Economic Action Plan.)
To recap , the
fundamental breakthrough of Pragma-Economics is a recognition that
the affluent are a market commodity . The importance of
this entrepreneurial and socio-economic innovation rivals that of the
mortgage-backed security, the hedge fund, and other financial-sector
By re-positioning these troubled and
troublesome pseudo-assets, guerrilla economists can repackage the
affluent, resell them, and then further bundle and relabel them,
passing this jet-set jetsam through several additional permutations,
the final commodity retaining almost no olfactory remnant to betray
Initial public roll-outs were an unqualified success. One derivatives trading firm re-emerged as a public-sector union. The members immediately went on strike . Several anonymous investors, receiving the news, were stricken by a mysterious affliction and rushed to local hospitals .
Any fundamental socio-economic market
correction causes disruptive dislocation as it seeks a new
equilibrium. One venture capitalist, distraught at the prospect of
decreasing income inequality, plunged to his death from a financial
district office tower .
As detailed in the previous expose,
pragmaconomists offer paradigm-shifting, shovel-ready solutions to
the problem of the surplus-affluent and their protracted obstruction
of the nation's economic recovery. Congress, deadlocked by the
malfeasance of Republican "Richies", was nonetheless browbeaten
by public outcry into passing a WPA  Act. After years
of pro-affluent legislation, quid pro quo, and "constituent
meetings" devoted to bonking K-Street bimbos, pragma-pundits dub
this sea change in legislative productivity "epic".
Using innovative socio-mediant protocols, the act empowers HHS to re-position affluent commodities for maximum economic utility. Thus empowered, a portion of these vastly overvalued villains have been parceled out to public-interest groups for re-branding  and put to work on public-infrastructure projects  .
The public has been overwhelmingly
supportive of these job-creating initiatives for the underemployed
elite. Several pedestrians in Times Square, interviewed at random,
gushed with unabashed enthusiasm. "It's so exciting to see them
become productive!" cheered one woman, a teacher visiting from
Another, a man who owns a small
business in Portland, Oregon, was less avid. "Yeah, I hired some
"Richies". Had a few problems with the dress code, if ya know
what I mean."
Another pedestrian, a New York native
and therapist, was hopeful. "By actually mingling with complex,
well-rounded and tolerant people, the affluent may evolve
semi-emotive and semi-empathetic skillsets that cause the casual
observer to mistake them for... (a tear was seen forming in his
eye.)... human beings! It's potentially wonderful!"
Skeptics of restorative market
correction ask, "What about all the capital amassed by such people,
and by these firms?" Guerrilla economists cite the Pragmaconomist
Primer : "This capital is actually heavily repackaged
earnings of a much humbler origin." Ever pragmatic, guerrilla
economists return this misappropriated capital to the citizens who
labored to earn it, stating, "Diffuse and distributed investments
of smaller amounts of capital, made by a union of citizens acting
with enlightened self-interest , govern and nourish a
sustainable and stable economy, one that serves the needs of every
citizen, not merely a money-addicted minority."
Editor's Note: Events in the
Pragma-Economic Revolution unfold hourly and across the globe. Even
as this article was posted to the web, a still newer sub-discipline
has emerged among the social sciences. Promising to address the
psycho-social disruptions of market correction, Psycho-Economics has
sent the academic world tumbling. More to follow...
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