Having been forced to subscribe to satellite television service from DISH because they are part of a "bundled package" from our local provider of internet, phone, and television, I had the naive belief that "A special Thank You" which arrived in the mail from DISH actually meant that they were going to do something nice for us loyal customers for the past five years.
But I should have known better; inside the "special Thank You" envelope was a notice, signed by DISH President and CEO Joseph P. Clayton, that "Starting in February, the monthly price of all core English packages will increase by $5. And if you have a DISH DVR, your service fee will increase by $1." Luckily, we do not have a DISH DVR -- but if we did, I wonder how much monthly service it would take for such an unserviceable piece of equipment. What a great thank-you! And, just think, it was received less than one week before the start of February, the month when the new fee kicks in.
Still, the same Thank You envelope included a card saying "Shhh...only for existing customers" informing us that every weekend DISH would allow us to "experience some of our customers' favorite movies for FREE." One is led to wonder how DISH knows anything about our favorite movies, which indeed is none of their business -- but then, FAVORITE probably really means OLD, so that DISH is actually offering to let us view movies we have seen before once again. Thanks, DISH!
In addition, just in case anyone wants to see a new movie, DISH offered us "premium movie and other add-on packages half-price for the first six months." Isn't that special -- except that the exact same offer is run constantly on many TV stations such as CNN. It is a lure to induce people to start to watch those "premium movies" so that DISH can then double their price after six months. It has nothing to do with customer loyalty and is therefore not any form of "Thank You."
Recalling that forty-six State Attorneys General once filed a joint class-action lawsuit against DISH for price gouging, improper advertising, and other consumer-adverse practices, resulting in a substantial settlement against DISH, I had thought that DISH might have learned its lesson. But that appears not to be the case, so I close with another DISH-related Riddle: What does a DISH "Thank You" remind one of? Answer: A Colonsocopy: neither is much fun, and both ream you royally. The main difference, however, is that, unlike DISH, a Colonoscopy can actually do you some good.