Share on Google Plus Share on Twitter Share on Facebook Share on LinkedIn Share on PInterest Share on Fark! Share on Reddit Share on StumbleUpon Tell A Friend 2 (2 Shares)  
Printer Friendly Page Save As Favorite View Favorites View Stats   6 comments

Life Arts

G.I. Jesus -Thank god I am not religious. (Satire)

By (about the author)     Permalink       (Page 1 of 2 pages)
Related Topic(s): ; ; ; ; ; ; , Add Tags Add to My Group(s)

View Ratings | Rate It

opednews.com

In the dark last days of mankind, in a world ruled by fear and hate, a ragtag renegade group of Americans led by Jesus Christ himself are fighting back. Get ready for mayhem. Get ready for destruction. Get ready for Armageddon. The final battle between good and evil is on. God is pissed, and he’s coming after you! 

(Armageddon is rated PG-14 for gratuitous scenes of extreme violence and wrathful smiting and may not be suitable for minors). 

I watched this morning as the [fundamentalist] Christians cheerleaded Israel's invasion of Gaza from their pulpits. The 'end times' are upon us, they claim. Thank god I am not a believer(?)  

There is a weird brand of Christianity in America these days. It’s a mixed up evangelical brew consisting of Jesus, bigotry and atomic war. 

 

Like any decent group of Jesus loving people, these God fearing souls actually support war, torture, bombings, killing of innocent civilians and any and all American (and lately Israeli) military intervention everywhere, including the use of nuclear weapons – whatever it takes to get them to the Armageddon party – though oddly enough, they’re against terrorists and terrorism. Why? What’s the difference?

 

For some reason, Christianity’s religious zealots cannot see the irony when they accuse Islam’s religious zealots of inciting war and religious extremism.

 

Is it not total hypocrisy when Christians encourage their political leaders to war – shouldn’t they be pushing for peace? You know, that ‘turn the other cheek’ stuff from the New Testament.

 

There appear to be two completely antithetical types of Christians: the peace loving, care for the sick, feed the poor types with their loving and forgiving Jesus and God. And the nasty, bloodthirsty, Old Testament types with their wrathful god of smiting, thunderbolt tossing and pestilence – heavy on the friggin’ pestilence.

 

Yes, these are the Christian soldiers that believe if you pray hard enough, god will kill your enemies for you. (He also accepts prayers for sporting victories too).

 

From my point of view, this “end times” business is nothing but a sleazy commercial enterprise that has produced far too many books, crooks, schmucks and, most recently, political leaders.

 

Seriously, if these end times people really believe Armageddon is nearly upon us, why are they so profit motivated?

 

Why don’t they give away their books and tapes for free - or at least at cost? Seriously, why can’t you guys save our souls at cost? If the world is going to end soon, what good is getting rich going to do you?

 

Getting rich off god is what most politically powerful Christians of political influence do best as they busily grease the wheels of America’s war machine from their television pulpits each day. These “Christians” gleefully encourage their government’s incessant war posturing, constitutional crack-downs on freedoms and overtures to future wars against anyone they brand with the “evil” label – not to mention, calling for the assassination of democratically elected foreign leaders if the mood strikes them.

 

From a “love thy neighbour” point of view, death and destruction hardly seem like a good way of promoting Jesus - but who said anything about THAT Jesus – that wimpy, peace-mongering, turn-the-other-cheek mama’s boy!

 

Today’s Christians speak of a different Jesus. They’re talking about that gun totting, grenade tossing, and holy killing machine, G.I. JESUS! Boo-yaw! He’s mean, he’s tough, he’s gonna kick your unholy butt.

 

If god is who they claim he is, I think he (?) or it (?) is going to be really pissed off at their sickening rendition of Jesus the Christ and prince of peace. (He’s probably going to be pissed at me too for that holy killing machine remark, but that’s a story for another day).

Next Page  1  |  2

 

Tim Cerantola's humour and political satire has been published in over 25 magazines and newspapers. When he is not pretending to be a writer, he works at a real job working with autistic and special needs children.

Share on Google Plus Submit to Twitter Add this Page to Facebook! Share on LinkedIn Pin It! Add this Page to Fark! Submit to Reddit Submit to Stumble Upon

Go To Commenting
The views expressed in this article are the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of this website or its editors.

Writers Guidelines

Contact Author Contact Editor View Authors' Articles

Most Popular Articles by this Author:     (View All Most Popular Articles by this Author)

The End of the World Quiz: Kiss your butts good-bye!

The Cheapest Man in the Universe

Nostratimus' Predictions for 2009

Earth Invaded by killer, bug-eyed space devils. Run for your lives!

The Apocalypse Quiz: Kiss Your Butts Good-Bye!

G.I. Jesus -Thank god I am not religious. (Satire)

Comments

The time limit for entering new comments on this article has expired.

This limit can be removed. Our paid membership program is designed to give you many benefits, such as removing this time limit. To learn more, please click here.

Comments: Expand   Shrink   Hide  
6 people are discussing this page, with 6 comments
To view all comments:
Expand Comments
(Or you can set your preferences to show all comments, always)

There are many religions that profess to know God&... by Richmond Shreve on Sunday, Jan 4, 2009 at 8:16:36 PM
has already stated they will be killing thinking t... by shadow dancer on Sunday, Jan 4, 2009 at 10:11:31 PM
Jesus Hits Like A Atom Bomb hehe... by Mickey Edmondson on Sunday, Jan 4, 2009 at 10:50:47 PM
Pfffft. 'nuf said...  ... by FAITHCARR on Monday, Jan 5, 2009 at 8:16:17 AM
there is no god to be offended by your words, or b... by wagelaborer on Wednesday, Jan 7, 2009 at 11:30:51 AM
This is so true and so well said.  Thank god&... by Janiece Senn on Saturday, Jan 10, 2009 at 1:35:04 PM