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April Fools Satire! Tell All Book Explains Seattle KIRO Radio Host Dori Monson's Mental Breakdown

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Originally published @ Seattle Star as an April Fools joke April 1, 2015
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A former KIRO colleague claims that local shock jock Dori Monson has been a voluntary participant in a series of corporate sponsored mind control experiments. In her new book, How Dori Monson Lost His Mind, author Sarah Bumkowski explains Monson's mental breakdown as a "terrible tragedy" that has "permanently marred" the KIRO radio personality's decades long broadcasting career.

Official personnel records show that Sarah Bumkowski worked with Monson for three years while she was employed at Entercom headquarters in Seattle. Bumkowski's position as his personal assistant allowed her to observe the inner workings of what she calls "The Strange World of Dori Monson". As his intellectual faculties steadily degraded, she became concerned about the stability of his mind.

The author claims that Monson's mental decline is a direct result of a harmful pharmacological cocktail which he has consumed on a daily basis while participating as a willing test subject in an Entercom sponsored science experiment.

Bumkowski says Monson is regularly given large doses of a horse tranquilizer, added to his morning cup of Starbucks coffee.

"The company wanted to find out if they could artificially manufacture right-wing talk show hosts to fill positions at their other conservative radio station KTTH," she said.

Apparently, after several weeks of this experimental chemical treatment, Monson eventually went "bonkers".

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Sarah Bumkowski maintains that she was unaware of the experiments at the time, but later learned about the tests from Monson's producer after Dori unexpectedly began to rant nonsensically about the need to use water boarding to interrogate Seattle anti-war protesters.

During that incident in 2010, Monson threw a chair out of the window of his office on the second floor of the Entercom building on Eastlake Avenue. Apparently, just outside of the KTTH booth nearby, conservative talk show host and occasional politician John Carlson suffered a black eye after being struck by an unknown projectile thrown at him by Monson. Witnesses say that after Monson's quick apology, however, the two men reportedly hugged, shook hands, and went out to dinner together.

An innocent bystander on the street was also reportedly injured, leading to speculation about a secret financial settlement arranged by Entercom in order to avoid any bad publicity that might have been generated from a public trial.

"I was completely shocked," Bumkowski told reporters at the Seattle Post-Intelligencer on Friday.

"I always thought he was a regular kind of guy, you know? I assumed he was a real family guy with a reasonable amount of common sense and all of that, but when he lost his cool that day and started throwing furniture around, I knew that something was seriously wrong."

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Suddenly the mild mannered broadcaster began to rage about the broken vending machines at his office, claiming they had been sabotaged in a conspiracy organized by "liberal" members of the Seattle City Council.

Soon after this incident, KIRO staff were dumbfounded when Monson went on an hour long tirade against teenage girls who show their mid sections in clothes that he called "depraved fashions that should be completely banned by an act of Congress." His spontaneous lecture on the air caught producers completely off guard since that was not a scheduled topic for the day's program.

Monson also reportedly started to throw darts at a photo of Michael Moore while he was live on the air talking with callers, claiming that it helped him to calm his "frayed nerves".

Dori Monson has a reputation in Seattle for totally insulting and berating liberal guests during his show. After his passionate on air attacks, however, he always thanks the guests politely for being on his program. Bottom line: it's very confusing! (Disclaimer: I was one of his past victims.)

Monson's also becoming quite infamous for his increasingly irrational screech fests in which he attempts to destroy the credibility of all Seattle politicians. Monson's favorite target lately has been Seattle City Council's socialist member Kshama Sawant. During a recent broadcast, he described Sawant as "a completely and ineffectual idiot".

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Independent journalist, musician and activist.
Contributing Writer - Huffington Post, Truth-out.org, Guest columnist Capitol Hill Times
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April Fools Satire! Tell All Book Explains Seattle KIRO Radio Host Dori Monson's Mental Breakdown