State of the Corpo-Nation

I know that for many Americans watching right now there's been some distress and concern. I would like to reassure you that American Idol will continue in its normal time slot next week. But for now, I suggest that you try college basketball on ESPN, NCIS on USA, Man vs. Wild on the Discovery Channel, or Real World on MTV if this is not what you would like to view on television tonight. And, of course, you know that Lost will be premiering next week and we wanted to make sure you all could view that so we moved up this address to tonight.

For those of you with the capacity to pay attention to me for an hour, let me begin by saying that I am just as glad as you are that the recession is over. But, that doesn't mean we are in the clear. You know this better than anyone. You've been layed off from your job at the department store you were working at; the bank cannot find your mortgage but yet you are still forced out of your home; the credit card company keeps billing your son or daughter in college for more money; the fatness of your baby is a pre-existing condition so you can't get coverage for your baby's health care; or if you work for a major bank or have a job on Wall Street, you feel like you are supposed to feel guilty for causing the nation's economic problems.

But, let me reassure you. The economy is improving and while the economy continues to improve, while we all work to find our footing and restore our confidence in our daily lives, I want every American to know this: There's a drug for you.

There's an anti-depressant that can treat depression, certain types of social anxiety conditions, post traumatic stress disorder, panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and premenstrual dysphoric disorder in adults over age 18. For more than 15 years, Lozoft has safely and effectively treated millions of people with depression and certain anxiety conditions. Lozoft is available for multiple strengths, so your doctor can decide a dose for you.

Depression is a serious medical condition. Concomitant use of Lozoft with NSAIDS or aspirin may be associated with an increased risk of bleeding. Side effects may include dry mouth, insomnia, sexual side effects, anal leaking, nausea, fever, sweating, atrophy of the muscles, change in mental functioning, sudden stopping of the heart, and increased blood pressure. Talk to your doctor about how Lozoft might help you.

This economy will fully recover soon. Finding answers to the problems we face doesn't require rocket scientists. We haven't needed rocket scientists since the space race and the Cold War. No, our answers lie with the people of this nation who are constantly working to get by and make this country work.

I'm talking about the union worker at GM who will take a pay cut so America can have another shot at having better automotive vehicles than the Japanese; the sheriff who evicts people from their homes even though he knows in his heart he should not; the TSA agent who will gladly perform secondary security searches that involve invading people's privacy so that our country can be kept safe; the scientist working to engineer genetically modified seeds so people don't go hungry; or the private at Guantanamo obediently interrogating terror suspects so our nation can have the best intelligence we need in the make a great effort against people prone to supporting Islamic ideas which lead to violence (formerly known as the "war on terror").

Now, if we are truthful about where we are at in this point in time, we can see that we haven't been fulfilling responsibilities, as we should. The government and the people have failed time and time again. I'm not saying this to play some kind of blame game. I just think the point needs to be made that the problems we face didn't happen overnight and many of them could have been stopped if we as a people had paid more attention. I could go through a long list of where we went wrong, but it would be so similar to what I said a year ago that I won't.

Apparently, you don't think you have to help fix any of the problems I mentioned a year ago because the housing market is barely rebounding, the stock market is good--I'll give you that, we're still addicted to oil, health care reform's like Terri Schiavo--Republicans don't want it to die because they enjoy scoring political points off of it but at the same time it's not really alive anymore, our teachers still don't think they should get fired if they do a poor job--apparently they think like Wall Street bankers they should get rewarded for failure. Our national debt is so unmanageable that I've had Reagan's corpse moved into my office to help lead the way.

Sure, I wish you people would go shopping and buy more. It would make my job easier. I wouldn't have to constantly be thinking about creating new jobs. But, I won't do that. I will suggest, however, that more of you participate in Cyber Monday next winter because you can reduce your carbon footprint and stimulate the economy at the same time.