Share on Google Plus Share on Twitter 3 Share on Facebook 1 Share on LinkedIn Share on PInterest Share on Fark! Share on Reddit 3 Share on StumbleUpon 1 Tell A Friend (8 Shares)  
Printer Friendly Page Save As Favorite View Favorites View Stats   15 comments

Exclusive to OpEdNews:
OpEdNews Op Eds

Satan Backs Righteous Rick: 'My kind of guy'

By (about the author)     Permalink       (Page 1 of 2 pages)
Related Topic(s): ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; (more...) ; ; , Add Tags  (less...) Add to My Group(s)

Must Read 1   Well Said 1   Funny 1  
View Ratings | Rate It Headlined to H3 2/28/12

Become a Fan
  (30 fans)
- Advertisement -

            Some kind of angel, some kind of halo.    /UPI photo

My dear Santorum:

Though your pious crusade will flee my endorsement, I want you to know I earnestly, even wickedly stand behind you.   Allied for years with the Rightwing Chaos Party, I had been advising Newt Gingrich, that loose cannon, but your relentless, sanctified zealotry promises even greater disruptions.   Your spiel still appears plausible, especially against two opponents with zero creditability.   Really, what bright-eyed, bushy-tailed newcomer wouldn't outflank a reprobate with three messy marriages?   Stay the holier-than-thou course, but do consider upgrading your less than presidential trash talk.   

Take calling me the "Father of Lies."   Is that where any ruthless politician prone to untruths wants to go?   I am more properly the Lord of Misrule, finding truthiness works better than mendacity.   Compared to rightwing politicians, who lie when their lips move, I need little deceit: exchange your soul for power and riches in this world.

Since personhood now includes everyone, including the supernatural, I happily join billionaire human devils to fuel your PAC.   Actually, unlike the transient rich, my support comes with zero strings attached.   You don't ever have to take my calls to serve my purposes.   If your outlandish, McCarthyite demagoguery needs to bash me, go for it.   After all, nothing connects us "soul brothers" more than our mutual conviction: the greater the leap of faith, the more the end justifies nasty means.

- Advertisement -

But imagine the fun and games if you pulled off the long shot of winning the White House.   You'd immediately enact "your mandate," namely force-feeding medieval theocracy on America.   Zealots tend to overplay their hands so we're talking censure, even impeachment, maybe termination.   Be still my beating heart, envisioning pandemonium unseen since Bubba was mortified or W. stole the Florida vote.

Perfect Sugar Daddy

Nor do I give a fig what political foolishness you initiate, for I remain confident the results will disrupt national and world orders.   Let's revel in new pre-emptive, unilateral wars inciting global antagonisms, racial conflicts, economic meltdowns, and environmental fiascos.   History proves religious fanatics and crusades achieve far more horrendous damage over a longer period than secular, ideological excesses.   Remember when crusades and religious wars spanned 100 years?   Plus, a Santorum win will raise rightwing hopes to the stratosphere, only then to be dashed to despair.  

But that's the cheery future.   Now I offer deepest thanks for resurrecting me from a century of media blight and theological purgatory.   My star-power, after all, relies solely on human trepidation.   Consider the dilemma of a discredited devil bartering souls when folks only guffaw. Without more of your vibrant fundamentalism, I'm no more than a come relic, an obsolete deity, laughed off the stage.

Targeting America?

- Advertisement -

Kudos also for your delusional flattery, suggesting that I or my demonic cadre have brought about America's fall from grace: "the Father of Lies has his sights on what you would think the Father of Lies would have his sights on: a good, decent, powerful, influential country -- the United States of America."    Good? Decent? Really?   Were I the moralistic One above, I'd say this smacks of presumption, vainglory, even pride.   Would I have caused a country plagued with know-nothings to rule the world by letting it accumulate so much wealth?   Actually, not a bad idea, with your bloated defense budget rippling out its doomsday agenda.

Truth is, I work best in backward Christian cultures where I am feared (and distorted) into a scary, cloven-footed, horned evil-doer with a pitchfork.   Did you know there's no Biblical basis for that slanderous depiction, a gift of medieval Catholicism?   In any case, who needed my disruption when America had agents of disorder like W. and Cheney, plus that diabolically comic genius, Rumsfeld the Torturer?   Do you think I started all those idiotic, bankrupting wars?   Or inspired that load of flimsy war lies, or rushing into the Patriot Acts?  Frankly, I am embarrassed by the implied compliment. 

Okay, give me the credit but it's a dodge.   And since I am on the subject, I must comment, if only as the Father of Lies, on your monumentally mediocre performance as a bad liar.   Lying takes finesse, far more than you demonstrated when willfully misreading JFK's famous separation between church from state: "The idea that the church can have no influence or no involvement in the operation of the state is absolutely antithetical to the objectives and vision of our country... that people of faith have no role in the public square."   Hardly, as JFK never objected to religious groups speaking out, nor did he exile "people of faith" from the public square.  Total invention.  Look, presidential candidates either fudge better or go the way of Herman Cain.

Next Page  1  |  2


Northern California, region. For a decade, Robert S. Becker's rebel-rousing essays on politics and culture analyze overall trends, messaging and frameworks, now featured author at OpEdNews, Nation of Change and RSN. He appears regularly at (more...)

Share on Google Plus Submit to Twitter Add this Page to Facebook! Share on LinkedIn Pin It! Add this Page to Fark! Submit to Reddit Submit to Stumble Upon

Go To Commenting

The views expressed in this article are the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect those of this website or its editors.

Writers Guidelines

Contact Author Contact Editor View Authors' Articles
Google Content Matches:
- Advertisement -

Most Popular Articles by this Author:     (View All Most Popular Articles by this Author)

Summer in the GOP Asylum: "Who are these guys?"

Trickle-down Gulf Wreck-onomics

"Apocalypse Now' Vogue Engulfs Chicken Littles

Moses Kaput -- Rightwing Ten Commandments To Serve Looming Theocracy

Deadline Looms To Fund Critical Ocean Plastic-Trash Film

"God Particle' Refudiates the Religious Right


The time limit for entering new comments on this article has expired.

This limit can be removed. Our paid membership program is designed to give you many benefits, such as removing this time limit. To learn more, please click here.

Comments: Expand   Shrink   Hide  
8 people are discussing this page, with 15 comments
To view all comments:
Expand Comments
(Or you can set your preferences to show all comments, always)

Well, not that hard.  If you're a Republican ... by Robert S. Becker on Tuesday, Feb 28, 2012 at 11:46:41 AM
the devils are bad, god and his buddies, worse. ... by zon moy on Wednesday, Feb 29, 2012 at 2:41:25 PM
It's Santorum's way to demonize his critics and o... by E. J. N. on Tuesday, Feb 28, 2012 at 3:00:01 PM
is implied between the spiritual purity of the can... by Robert S. Becker on Tuesday, Feb 28, 2012 at 6:50:23 PM
Someone (maybe it was Margaret Thatcher) once said... by Paul Caubet on Wednesday, Feb 29, 2012 at 9:16:39 AM
Hard to know, as with Palin and Bachmann, whether ... by Robert S. Becker on Wednesday, Feb 29, 2012 at 11:59:51 AM
The Bible its self testifies against Santorum's se... by Davey Jones on Wednesday, Feb 29, 2012 at 1:31:49 PM
it is easier, not cheaper, just easier. Politician... by bogi666 on Thursday, Mar 1, 2012 at 8:02:04 AM
Satan's most successful deception is one that prey... by Philip Pease on Wednesday, Feb 29, 2012 at 11:41:29 AM
And which Satan from which of many traditions? &nb... by Robert S. Becker on Wednesday, Feb 29, 2012 at 12:17:10 PM
When lies are told with words no longer true. &nbs... by Michael Dewey on Wednesday, Feb 29, 2012 at 1:37:13 PM
Bible, NT. Satan, posing as the Christ precedes th... by bogi666 on Thursday, Mar 1, 2012 at 7:51:45 AM
this certainly describes Santorum's role and dange... by Robert S. Becker on Thursday, Mar 1, 2012 at 10:09:40 AM
being saved in this dimension, the dimension of vi... by bogi666 on Saturday, Mar 3, 2012 at 7:41:17 AM
SanScrotum talks out of his ass. He probably belie... by bogi666 on Saturday, Mar 3, 2012 at 8:04:47 AM