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Quoth the Pig Part 3. Fat as Hell and Not Taking It Anymore

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“Drain the Swamps!” Mel screeched!” “Full throttle ahead!”

“Leaping lizards!” I said. “You’re a disgrace!” My portly pig rocked like a bucking bronco. “It’s supposed to be—‘Up your ass in alligators’--Not the other way around!”

“Well, ex-squeals me!” Mel rained wrath on the ravenous reptile. “What do I got to lose? Why don’t you just call me Typhoid Mary?”

“She’s a lady! You’re a pig!” I gasped. “That’s a gator!”

“You’re no different,” said Mel. “You know you’d like to.”

“I’m not like you,” I said, “I’m not a Republican.”

“Why me?” Mel blubbered. “Gators do worse things!”

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“You’re a little impulsive. Steve Irwin was better looking.”

“I’m depressed,” Mel began to cry crocodile tears. “They’re going to fry me, aren’t they?”

“You can’t flaunt the laws of nature,” I could smell Mel’s sizzling bacon. “They’re saying this piggy plague is because of factory farms. Your dirty living conditions.”

“Factory?” Mel screeched. “I’ve never worked a day in my life!” He flayed his hooves. “Do these look like calluses to you? Why don’t you try New York City! That’s a pretty good HUMAN factory farm! Maybe YOU gave it to Us!”

“You’re changing the subject!” I said. “No swamp monster is out there infecting people! The evidence points to you, Mr. Piggy! You can’t flog yourself out of this one!”

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“OH YEAH?” Mel sprang into the mangroves. “Watch me!”

“SWAMP THING!” Almost speechless, I watched Mel ravish the repulsive movie monster.

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Conceived on west coast,born on east coast,returned to northwest spawning grounds. Never far from water. Degree in biology, minor: socio/psychology. Nature-oriented. Building trades,marine carpentry, Army Veteran, ex-social worker, ex-tavern (more...)
 

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