Tough day today. We had to put down our 14 year old yellow lab, Vanilla. I treated her better than a dog the past few days. It made me think about how I treat everyone, all the time... and it made me think about Scott McClellan.
By the lake, before the vet
With people, you don't get a chance to plan out what to do on the day they're going to die, or the days before.
People generally don't die on schedule. And often, when you know the end is near, the dying person is already partially gone. That's what happened with my mother, 14 years ago when she was near passing. Between the morphine drip, the pain from her cancer, and what might have been Alzheimers, she was all there to even have a conversation with, let alone, do all the things I would have liked to do. I did tell her that I'd miss her as the person who most enjoyed hearing my good news and the new things I was up to. She told me to keep on telling her, that she'd be listening.
My father passed away when I was 11. He was 52 and he'd been having chest pains that put him in the hospital. But in 1962, they didn't do bypass surgery, at least not at the hospital he went to. The docs sent him home. We played cards that night and I won. Considering he'd made money to send home, during WWII, while in the army, by playing cards, it became clear to me, years later, when I was an adult, that by letting me "beat Dad," he'd given me a gift. As an entrepreneur, I published hypnosis and subliminal tapes with the message "I can beat Dad." The experts had used the phrase because research had shown that the phrase was a powerful one that made a difference.
I beat dad, that night and then, he died. my 52nd year was a scary one to get past. I made sure I exercised, did not smoke cigarettes and got checked regularly.
The past few days, as the time approached for putting Vanilla down, my heart changed a bit towards her. I became a bit more tolerant of her failings. She'd been incontinent for months, soaking the rug with urine and half the time, though she tried, not making it out of the door before she pooped on the floor. Cleaning up poop became a twice or thrice daily occurrence. For a month or two of that time, it was pretty bothersome, cleaning up the poop, especially since I work at home and was the one to clean up most of it. I would get irritated and annoyed. I would yell at her as I put her outside, even though it might be too late.
But the last few days, it didn't bother me as much. I let go of the irritation and annoyance. Looking back, I could have let go of it altogether, from the beginning. She'd been a good dog for a long time and didn't deserve my ire.
The last few days, I gave her extra treats and extra attention. I don't think her brain was working as well, in the end, and most of the time, she was just interested in getting food. In the past, she'd had a weight problem. We'd gotten that under control, but for this past week, it didn't matter, so she feasted every day, and I grilled a burger for her to eat, as part of her last few minutes.
Before we went to the vet, we stopped at the local park where Vanilla used to run into the lake. She loved the water, as most Labs do. This time, with her withered, weakened hips, she limped slowly, sniffing everywhere she went. We remembered the way she'd repeatedly run down steep, 50 foot embankments to dive in the creek, when she was younger. I was prepared to carry her the last few yards, if need be, back from the lake. She'd dropped from her peak weight of around 90 down to 52 pounds. But she made the walk on her own.
On the drive to the vet, from the park, we decided to have her cremated along with the other dogs the vets put down for the week. The cost was a bit less and the decision was to make a donation of the difference in cost to a lab rescue facility.
We waited outside, not in the office, with Vanilla, until the exam room was ready.
The veterinary tech asked us sign a document affirming that she hadn't bit anyone in the past ten days. The vet came in, gave her a mild sedative that took a few minutes to act-- and left us with her, alone. Vanilla was already lying down, head up. I'd wanted to give her the burger, which I'd brought in a baggy, as she was injected with the euthanizing drug. The vet objected, saying she might vomit. Better to give her the burger just before she was sedated. I gave her a piece. The vet injected her with the tranquilizer. Vanilla settled down. We talked to her, petted her belly. When she was younger, she'd push our hand, with her nose, to her belly, telling us that was where she best liked being petted. No nose nudging in those final moments, but we knew and petted her belly. I snuck her another little piece of burger.
Her head slowly dropped as the tranquilizer took hold. The vet came in, shaved off a bit of hair on her rear leg, inserted an IV and connected a syringe with a lethal dose of phenobarbital. She checked that we were ready, then gently pushed on the plunger. Vanilla's head sagged, and gradually dropped, her eyes dulled. I closed them. The vet listened for a heartbeat. It was gone.
Later, my other half saw a butterfly and wondered.
Recently, anticipating losing Vanilla, I've been looking at dogfinder.com. They have tens of thousands of dogs available for adoption. Not surprisingly, there are more yellow labs than any other dog. Vanilla was as good a dog as one could ever have. I can't imagine how hard this is going to be for her lifelong companion, our other dog. He's never known a day, outside when he stayed overnight at the veterinary hospital, when he wasn't with her. We're giving him a lot of extra attention.
Rob Kall is executive editor and publisher of OpEdNews.com, President of Futurehealth, Inc, inventor . He is also published regularly on the Huffingtonpost.com. He is a frequent Speaker on Politics, Impeachment, The art, science and power of story, heroes and the hero's journey, Positive Psychology, Stress, Biofeedback and a wide range of subjects. He is a campaign consultant specializing in tapping the power of stories for issue positioning, stump speeches and debates. He recently retired as organizer of several conferences, including StoryCon, the Summit Meeting on the Art, Science and Application of Story and The Winter Brain Meeting on neurofeedback, biofeedback, Optimal Functioning and Positive Psychology. See more of his articles here and, older ones, here.
To learn more about me and OpEdNews.com, check out this article.
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A few declarations.
-While I'm registered as a Democrat, I consider myself to be a dynamic critic of the Democratic party, just as, well, not quite as much, but almost as much as I am a critic of republicans.
-My articles express my personal opinion, not the opinion of this website.
that unlike Vanilla and my dog Spok whom I helped to put down 4 years ago Mr. McClellan has a pretty cushy support. Otherwise he would not dare. And I also think that although Obama is terrific and surely seems to have a very good support of the money the Presidency for McCaine is about 99% secured, That 1% is due to possible health problems of his. Here is what I think- compassion and understanding can and should be utilized when power is in your hands burt not before. We are very far away from the glorious moment when Condi or Rummy will 'say the truth'. Even more, that moment may never take place. So let bygones be bygones and we really do not care why Scottie started to sing like a canary. If it helps- good. That is all. And, of course, Vanilla and Spok are both in Heaven. All dogs go there. Imagine- no Cheneys to hunt them down.
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Mark Sashine (51 articles, 19 quicklinks, 244 diaries, 3453 comments)
on Friday, May 30, 2008 at 7:58:49 PM
Ignore the "government" and the "system" and "activism." Sadder... time to put them down. Maybe when this is over, the young folks can raise another collaborative network... system... whatever it will be... from a pup. The one we have now is crapping in the house... and it's only a matter of time.
mebbe that butterfly was Vanilla tryin to tell you it's time. We are beguiled by the horse race... but "...even the devil can't fool a dog."
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waldopaper (11 articles, 3 quicklinks, 24 diaries, 426 comments)
on Friday, May 30, 2008 at 9:32:40 PM
My thoughts are with you Rob... Back in February I had to put down my 16 year old american eskimo "Buddy" a.k.a. "Butthead"..... your description of the event took me back... very similar.... I am sorry for your loss, and you need to give yourself a few days to say "who cares" about the neocons, repentant or otherwise. Relax we will carry the torch.......... On a lighter note.. a couple of weeks after he was gone I swore I heard his collar jangling.... and a few days later found a tuft of white fur in the middle of the living room......... and once my gf said she thought she heard him barking out back to come in.... wierd enough.... oh yes theres an interesting article in this years farmers almanac about the whole subject....peace to you Rob
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Riverman (0 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 14 comments)
on Friday, May 30, 2008 at 10:05:48 PM
People aren't all good or all bad. I'm sure that applies to McClellan and to Bush and Cheney even Hilter.
I'm not interested in revenge I'm interested in progress and in stopping regress - whether that regress came about diliberately or by a series of human errors. There are things which are real standards.
We had a world once, not that long ago, in which it really wasn't okay for Presidents to torture and to launch aggressive invasions. I want that world back. And I want to build on and to improve that world.
I want the charter of human rights to have something to plug into that is real and so I want the rule of law. I want decency to be a virtue again.
We humans are muddleheaded and muddlehearted but in the aggregate each generation should be able to do a bit better than the one before but for that to happen we need the rule of law and we need it globally.
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Brett Paatsch (0 articles, 2 quicklinks, 22 diaries, 1010 comments)
on Friday, May 30, 2008 at 10:07:30 PM
My thoughts to you !! Marx said we should love animals !!
Hi my friend, my thoughts to you. I read some article some months ago. An analysis about Marx and animals, and in a socialist democratic society, animals would be treated with more respect, equality and importance than in this oppressive corporate capitalist system. They would be more valued
So my thoughts to you, i think animals are more important than all the politicians together
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LincolnMarx (0 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 53 comments)
on Friday, May 30, 2008 at 10:44:16 PM
Thanks for the very touching story Rob. My wife and I have two dogs as well and one is quite a bit older than the other. We often talk about the day that we will soon have to experience much like what you just went through.
All our best to you and your are right, events like this help re-center us and make us remember how important empathy is to all living things ...... republicans and democrats.
Kind regards to you and your other half.
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E. Nelson (13 articles, 0 quicklinks, 20 diaries, 221 comments)
on Friday, May 30, 2008 at 10:55:41 PM
Dear Rob.........compassion is a learned trait. Empathy too. It can't be marketed. In our world it is rarely rewarded, among humans that is. Sneaking a bit o burger is. You're a teacher. Teach on.
As Mr Sashine suggests, sincere compassion and understanding is not something bartered.
My heart to you, your family and the butterfly.
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mikel paul (10 articles, 1 quicklinks, 7 diaries, 394 comments)
on Saturday, May 31, 2008 at 1:42:26 AM
I truly feel your pain, having lost my beloved Pit/Lab 15 year old last year. I liked your choice of donating money to a rescue fund.
On McClellan - Dogs, even when they do bad things, know to feel a bit guilty about it - not that guilt is the answer either, but it would sure help if our politicians and their entourage were people of deep conscience. I wonder if he would consider giving some of his book deal money to some progressive cause - perhaps even OpEd News.
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Babette Hogan (8 articles, 1 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 12 comments)
on Saturday, May 31, 2008 at 4:12:32 AM
Scott McClellan, on Meet the Press yesterday, said he was giving a portion of the proceeds to Iraq Veterans organizations and currently sends care packages to the troops. He said that he had been raised in a family who put public service above partisanship. I agree that he deserves our support. It takes courage to try to set the record straight, even if he did nothing to stop it. He said things were a lot clearer outside the circle of influence. Imagine if they all stepped out for just a minute. Maybe we'd have some accountability after all.
Peace and love to Rob and Vanilla.
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Judy Ramsey (0 articles, 0 quicklinks, 1 diaries, 82 comments)
on Monday, June 2, 2008 at 1:24:02 PM
Losing a dog that has been with you every day for so many years is very hard, and very emotional. Vanilla was very lucky having such a good friend. We don’t get to keep our pets for life, but we do get to keep our memories of them. I think about the dogs we have lost over the years almost every day. Losing them creates big holes in our lives.
We thought we would never be able to get a dog that we would love as much as our 16 year old mix, who was born in our house, after we lost her 2 years ago. But we wanted to fill the void, and get a companion for our other dog, and so started looking after a few weeks of sadness and depression. We found another mixed breed dog that has become one of our best dogs ever. She can’t replace the dogs we have lost, but she is a force of nature, and has her own great little personality. She even plays rough and tumble with our 11 year old cat like they were lifelong buddies. None of our other dogs ever had the guts to do that.
The best of luck finding a new dog. I hope you find the perfect companion.
On the McClellan thing, I have been noting that if this is the kind of reward that whistleblowers can expect, then forget about whistleblowers in the future. I’m sure he expected crap from the right, but he’s getting even more disdain from the left, which just goes to show how no good deed goes unpunished nowadays. His book is a nightmare come true for the Bush administration, at a time when it may well have an effect on the upcoming election. Plus, the press now has confirmation that they have been intentionally taken for idiots, and played like fiddles by Bush and his gang. That may affect the way they report on Bush as his reign of terror winds down.
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John R Moffett (80 articles, 14 quicklinks, 2 diaries, 610 comments)
on Saturday, May 31, 2008 at 6:34:07 AM
My black lab died 10 years ago at the ripe old age of 12. I still miss her and her unconditional love. (If I moved even to walk into another room she'd start thumping her tail against the floor.)
We don't really know why McClellan decided to write his book and tell all just now. Was it to get on "the right side" of history and distance himself from what even he saw was a disastrous president? Did he do it to clear his conscience and assist others in implicating Bush? Did he do it for money and attention? Perhaps it was a little of all of the above.
I agree that attacking him discourages others from speaking up about what they know.
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Kathlyn Stone (42 articles, 219 quicklinks, 26 diaries, 637 comments)
on Saturday, May 31, 2008 at 9:27:34 AM
I would like to recommend that you read "Merle's Door: Lessons from a Freethinking Dog" by Ted Kerasote. Without a doubt, it is the best tribute to dogs I have ever read, and as Elizabeth Marshall Thomas, the author of The Hidden Life of Dogs commented "Could be the best book ever written about dogs." . I have three dogs, and have had to put one down. It tears at your heart. Big Time. Vanilla will live on in your heart and memories. And what a beautiful photo you shot of him.
Michele Kearney
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Snuffysmith (0 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 1 comments)
on Saturday, May 31, 2008 at 10:14:21 AM
My family had a beloved dog, golden retriever Cody, put down last year. Then a few weeks later moved from the Northwest to the south. We had to give Cody's best buddy, Skylar (another golden retriever) to live out his years with good friends of ours (He wouldn't be able to make the trip in the moving van). We buried Cody in our mountain meadow and planted flowers over his grave...trying to explain to our 8 year old boy what "dying" meant. What separation from a good friend is like. When our boy looked skyward, and burst into a spontaneous song -- "I'll love you forever, you'll be in my heart always!" And he continued making up lyrics as he sang, expressing his feelings as 8 year olds do. My wife and I cried, as he sang.
Tears to your loss...but let there be a song in your heart to celebrate the experiences together with a friend who never judged, but only loved you.
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boomerang (0 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 273 comments)
on Saturday, May 31, 2008 at 12:21:11 PM
Someone once said that "suffering is the origin of all consciousness." Perhaps that is true. In the saddest and darkest times, we seem to peel back our outer "warrior layer" and present our humanity to others. How sad that, as humans, most of us are not able to expose this as our ordinary state.
Some have said to me "oh, c'mon, she's just a dog." Truly, I set no hierarchy between dogs and humans. Those who set a human life above that of a dog do not share my values. For me, a dog in my household is a family member. Period. Love is love. To think otherwise is a foolish attachment to ego.
It is a hoax, most cruel, that dogs do not live as long as humans. Had the world been created by a "supreme being", surely this injustice would not have occurred.
The loss of a family member is among the deepest sorrows we can know. Writing under the pen name I use, be assured that I am deeply sorry for the loss you've had. I wish only two things for your family: first, that you will be able to retain even a small part of the sensitivity Vanilla's loss has brought you and second, that you take all that you have learned in raising her and caring for her and share that fully with the next dog in your life.
It is often difficult for us to give our spouses or children a "perfect life." Perhaps we have a better chance of doing this with the dogs in our families. That's what I'm trying to do, anyway. I hope you do too.
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welshTerrier2 (7 articles, 3 quicklinks, 4 diaries, 105 comments)
on Saturday, May 31, 2008 at 1:24:59 PM
Dogs always seem to overlook our flaws and love us inspite of them. Are you suggesting we do the same for Scott McClelland? Maybe the ability of Liberals and Progressives to act in this way is among the things makes us different from the Conservatives. We try to love the unworthy and help them on life's path just like dogs do for us. Sometimes we manage to do this and other times we don't, but we believe you should always try. If Scott is truly repentent and trying to make admends, I think he should be welcomed to the fold. Hmm, something is eerily familar about this, maybe I'll remember sometime Sunday morning.
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vidiot (0 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 221 comments)
on Saturday, May 31, 2008 at 4:23:25 PM
My deepest condolences on your loss of Vanilla. I've experienced the loss of too many cats and dogs in my life, I know how bad it feels. You mentioned your father dying of heart problems, my dad had similar problems and passed away in 1965 at 50 years of age. My father could not benefit from our future in medicine either, however I did. I had a heart attack earlier this year, the doctors went through my aorta and put a stint in my heart. I'm in better shape than before the heart attack now.
The great sense of profoundness in the feelings you have expressed is what we should all feel everyday about the events and people of our times and how it all has consequences for the future of our planet. I applaud your profoundness and I wish we all could find more of it to invest in our own lives and in the lives of others.
With the Greatest Sincerity,
Lance Landon
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Lance L. Landon (3 articles, 1 quicklinks, 6 diaries, 29 comments)
on Sunday, June 1, 2008 at 2:39:06 AM
you're right,and I wish some of these airheads thats screaming foul could see this is a blessing in disguise. nobody is condoning what McClellan did as press secretary,but this could be the beginning of the end of a very wicked administration.
Didn't mean to shun your loss Rob, but her very simple,and plain statement caught my attention
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GUY P. FRASER (0 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 62 comments)
on Sunday, June 1, 2008 at 8:24:45 AM
Some friends of mine discovered Max in the shelter.
Since I am a self-hating Jew with hundreds of old man diseases, they decided I should adopt Max from death row. I did and spent the next few days trying to catch him when he ran away. He is part lab and boxer - a sneaky and conniving mix. Just a glance away and he is out of the gate and chasing another dog over the hill. Everybody knows him and has brought him back by now. I'm way to old and lazy to catch him, but I sure love that dog. And he loves me.
Don't waste a minute. Save another.
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John Hanks (1 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 1196 comments)
on Sunday, June 1, 2008 at 2:01:05 PM
