. . . pop the popcorn, spread the sawdust to soak up the manure, the Big Neocon Circus is coming to town!
The killing of Osama bin Laden
stole the klieg lights from the other big show in town; the first big
GOP presidential debate treated the audiences to the fanciful stylings
of Rick "Dead Baby" Santorum, Herman "Godfather of Pepperoni" Cain, Rep.
Ron "Fountainhead" Paul, Former NM Governor Gary
"Don't-bogart-my-medical-mary-Jane" Johnson and former MN Governor Tim
"T-Paw" Pawlenty. All spouted typical Teabagger rhetoric and tried to
out-Libertarian Ron Paul.
Yes, it's that time of the season,
when the zaniest and most disturbing of the side-show freaks lurch out
of their boxcars, toss their pointy-hats into the GOP center ring and
declare their respective candidacies for the Presidency of the United
Indiana Gov. Mitch Daniels, Reality
TV egomaniac Donald "Hairflap" Trump, and Former U.S. Ambassador to
China Jon Huntsman, are expected to pull out their best side-show
routines and parade down the boardwalk this year. Seems Mississippi
Gov. Haley Barbour backed out when he realized they already had a fat
man in the back tent.
The latest clown to tumble out of
the toy car is Newt "Serial Adulterer" Gingrich, who hopes to garner the
GOP support from his throng of admirers, if not ex-wives. Newt can
only hope the uber-Conservative Rapture Righties will forgive his many,
many, many "indiscretions" and will focus on his steadfast attack on
Bill Clinton; his unending critique of Willie's alleged infidelities, and
his stellar record as Speaker of the House of Representatives, which
culminated with his 1999 resignation under the considerable weight of 84
ethics violation charges.
Remember, you may have married (yet
again) a good Catholic girl and converted yourself, but you're facing
an army of God's good little soldiers (and cheerleaders) in this
dog-and-pony show. Are you as pious as Pawlenty? As washed in the
blood of the lamb as Rick Santorum? As clean and pure as Mighty Mormon
Mitt? As secure in your personal relationship with Jesus as Mike "bin
Laden's in Hell" Huckabee?
Heaven help you if Michele Bachmann
smears on the greasepaint and joins the parade, or if Sarah Barracuda
snaps the garters on her sparkly tights for the tight-rope talent
portion of the campaign. Both of these heavenly creatures have been
personally endorsed (and even exorcised) by high priests, who blessed
and anointed these divine dimwits as deserving of the Highest Office in
America to better serve Him and His Highest Holy Interests in
You better forget the Rapture Right
and just focus on the bigots and anti-government militia-types who
don't care if you speak "Bible" as long as you let them tote their guns
into school libraries and Hooters and such, and take random, careless
shots at stray immigrants once in awhile.
But either way, when these jesters
start juggling their Bibles, guns, budgets, and bigots, then we can
expect a really great show!
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