Prime Minister al Maliki Meets with Old Pro Vidkun Quisling (Satire)

Nouri al Maliki queries Vidkun Quisling on how best to betray his country.

Through the aegis of a prominent medium, Prime Minister al Maliki conferred at length with that historical old moral prostitute, Vidkun Quisling, best known for surrendering the Norwegian people to the tender mercies of the Third Reich in World War II. Al Maliki desperately sought his advice on how to likewise surrender the Iraqi people to the Fourth Reich, or the American Empire as it is better known.

Al Maliki peppered the rather sedate Quisling with questions as to how often to bow before his American superiors, when to kiss their feet in a public ceremony, when to perform more personal acts on a visiting White House official, and how many people he should turn over daily to the American military for incarceration, punishment, torture or execution. Al Maliki grinned when Herr Quisling, displaying ghostly humor, recounted the good old days when he was privileged to sip tea with the Fuhrer after shining his shoes.

Quisling was quick to point out that it is important to convince one's people that, even while actually betraying their future and sacrificing their freedoms and rights to a foreign power bent on stealing their wealth and enslaving them for generations, that he, the first Patriot of his country, was doing exactly the opposite, ensuring their future and restoring their liberties through the kindly influence of their generous benefactors, the American military. Quisling also taught al Maliki his favorite motto: lie, grovel, slither, tattle, recounting how he used to repeat it several times every morning upon rising from bed.

After taking copious notes for several hours with the wreathlike Quisling, al Maliki, looking much relieved, left with his bodyguards to drive to the airport and fly back to Iraq, more confident now that he could sign Herr Cheney's security treaty formally eliminating Iraq's independence and incorporating Iraq into American tributary status.