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Potholes On The Moral High Road: How to Respond to Bullies

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From http://www.flickr.com/photos/62322787@N03/10199095195/: IMG_0123  Bullies at play
IMG_0123 Bullies at play by 澎æ¹é™½å...‰é˜¿æœ‰ådegreesˆæ¥æµ®æ½›
In this age where cyber, mental, and emotional bullying are increasingly popular, how do we respond to all that, rather than automatically following the old social rule of taking the righteous "high road" of silence, as well as taking the "eye for an eye" animal attack response out of the equation.

Some of the hard core moral rules for living in our society need updating, such as not speaking up for ourselves and not telling the truth about others when they are abusive bullies.

We need to update ourselves as adults on how to respond to a bully, and we also need to update how we educate children on this matter.

Our social expectations, and the world itself, have so radically changed that the shelf life of wisdom passed down from other eras is expired; many former social rules are now irrelevant and just wrong.

Many factors come into play as to why this is true.  

The primary change in our social culture is seen in the level of unquestioned, normalized public expressions of hate and rage.

The entitlement to act out extreme, outrageous anti-social rudeness in public and private, signals a startling shift in society.

So, it is no longer appropriate to stand back and remain "refined" in the old way (even the word "refined" is practically out of circulation).   The Webster's New World Dictionary of the American Language, 1962, definition: "free from vulgarity or coarseness".  

How is this possible today?   We are saturated in vulgarity and coarseness; the prime trick is to maintain a rigid personal (emotional) hygiene.

It is no longer sustainable, or superior a stance, to keep hurts and attacks under cover.  

What, then, is the healthy response to abuse?

The old adage, "If you have nothing nice to say about someone, don't say anything", used to be as basic as bread.

On the other hand, in the words of Teddy Roosevelt's daughter, Alice Roosevelt Longworth, "If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me".

There is an old idea of propriety resulting in a response of stoic silence to abuse.   It is the equivalent of keeping a dangerous secret.

Dangerous for the keepers of the secret, and dangerous for society on the whole.

No matter how you slice it, taking "the high road" of not speaking about emotional abuse is bad medicine.

Remaining silent can be motivated by a slew of wrong-headed beliefs and feelings.   It may be the feeling of embarrassment or self-blame about being bullied, or the discomfort and fear in nailing a bully, or even be in play via an internalized app of instant "forgiveness".

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I am a psychotherapist and media commentator. I'm interested in consciousness, awakeness, light, laughter, intelligence,entertainment,politics, and talking about how the media spins the stories we hear; how the media directs our feeling states and (more...)
 

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Here's an update on how to take care of ourselves ... by Dr. Cheryl Pappas on Friday, Oct 11, 2013 at 12:40:02 PM
And what do we do about the bullying we can't see,... by Bob Stuart on Saturday, Oct 12, 2013 at 10:29:56 PM
Bob, this is important  We cannot control the... by Dr. Cheryl Pappas on Sunday, Oct 13, 2013 at 2:05:59 PM
Sometimes I find it kind of ironic that some of th... by anna kakol on Monday, Oct 14, 2013 at 12:20:39 PM
From the sound of it, Anna, your point is astute.&... by Dr. Cheryl Pappas on Monday, Oct 14, 2013 at 3:45:06 PM