Belated Career Move by Newsweek cover 6-10
No doubt, your burning worry every morning is, "So, what will failin' Palin screw up now?" We secular, freedom-loving democrats should worry. Considering her outsized bent for corrupting public discourse, if not English itself, our concerns are far less frivolous than her crude snake oil concoctions. I fear her most predictable celebrity career move grants her more power and influence than this most infamous, treacherous demagogue commands now.
You heard it here first: the Palin will survive her blundering, "make-up American history" pageant to gain this divine mission -- the unifying Queen of all Rapture-loving, gun-toting Biblical literalists. God apparently still moves in mysterious, if disruptive ways. So much for relentless prayers she'd go away even, absurd as it now sounds, projections her utter vacuity would rout the insatiable, grizzly mama evangelical movement. Wish away.
Were this charismatic-sex-goddess-warrior to brand herself full-fledged Messenger of God, capable of unifying the oft-splintered Christian right, she'd magnify her powers, with unknowable, scary ripples. Imagine for starters her newly-minted whining, forever victimized for "religious prosecution." Think unelected, invisibly-funded power behind the Tea Party throne. Think more hegemony behind His Pentecostal throne. Don't misunderestimate the power and glory of Eros in the service of the Almighty, Tammy Faye Bakker notwithstanding.
The Charisma of Saving Souls
Recall L.A.'s stylish, loose-living Aimee Semple McPherson, whose Foursquare Gospel Church many decades later boasts eight million members. Demagoguery, sex, and dogma remains our most combustible mix: this nation is plagued with repressed, theocratic fundamentalists aiming to obliterate rational terms for public policy plus the parchment thin line barely separating church from state. All they need is an attractive, entertaining, family values "mom of faith."
For over two decades, the born-again collective embrace of power, capped off by the autocratic Tea Parties, has threatened our Constitutional protections with insurgency. With W. as kick-off, the Palin becomes the second wave, especially as enduring bridge across unruly religious extremists. I believe Palin believes in her faith with greater fervor than W. -- and look how that turned out. Karl Rove, step aside, for the next drama.
Manifestly, Prophet Palin is already a saint to worshippers, tracking divine time and His narrative truths, not specious human measures like evidence. As the most conspicuous Jesus freak, she could transform her own past fiascos into the Lord's victory by organizing evangelicals. Televangelism, here we come, burnishing greatly polished, staged performances, rife with automated cash collection and the beneficence of bi-weekly broadcasts.
Power, Pure and Simple as Faith
What better way for the Palin to still command center stage, refine her endorsement clout for fellow wingnuts without having noisy constituents or chronic media ridicule over "minor" misstatements? What better graduation from years as cross-carrying, victim-martyr to become a self-proclaimed living, breathing, sexy organ-voice of faith? Remember, rogues love to be first, and her new religion gig awards her the broadest platform free from volatile voting patterns or pleasing the unwashed. If you're not elected, you can't be turned out or formally censured. What a deal. Saving souls, after all, is so much nobler than courting smelly voters.
Righteous Queen Palin represents the logical career move, truly a fundamentalist marriage made in heaven. Think Jerry Falwell with Anita Bryant's looks, unappealing Pat Robertson with Pat Boone's toothy smile. The next crusade, entitled "Prophesies of Palin," would redeem her own countless humiliations and liberate her from ordinary reality, as no one holds zealots to facts and figures. And think of the historic legacy no losing V.P. ever had: to shift the national balance of power by unifying divided forces and reign over America for decades. Finally, the total offer she cannot refuse: make millions, prepare for the Rapture, and assure a Christian America with only true Elect getting elected. Shudder, and double shudder.
And for the ultimate doctrinal dollop, the Queen of the Right takes what she already claims as historian, what good Catholics award popes -- infallibility on matters of faith and dogma. Oh, why not immunity from any lamebrain pundit correcting her on anything? It's good to be the queen -- and no other attractive, visible evangelical could pull it off -- a national ('told you so') triumph.
Beauty Queen to Warrior Queen
Why else did God grant such good lucks and charisma to an obscure governor? Just imagine how this forever falsely reluctant heroine can assure American exceptionalism for a century. Why not, like Constantine's Roman Empire, make the world greatest military power into the world religious' hotbox? Hot dog combo.
She's perfect for the job: good American-born stock, not a Mormon, strong evangelical resume (in fact immunized by exorcism from witchery) and the demagogic liftoff to carry the day. Her fame already saves her from study or becoming a book-learned minister. Why bother, for her know-nothings sing hallelujah about what their leaders don't know -- or care to know, concluding knowledge is dangerous, tinged with socialist demonism?
Why, I'm surprised the Palin didn't claim Paul Revere as the first real evangelical, among countless of her own gang firmly founding our Christian country. After all, Palin revealed her entire theory and philosophy of history in one phrase: "there are no coincidences." If God controls all, isn't He whispering into a true believer's ear to go for it. You betcha.
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