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Need Extra Income? Sell Your Teeth!

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I kid you not. In the midst of watching cable news talking heads report the financial gloom and doom of crashing markets and multi-billion dollar "too big to fail" conglomerates ... failing, I am suddenly confronted by a smiling dude in a Dapper-Dan suit and slicked-back hair telling me that they will buy ANY of my gold -- "even unpaired earrings and GOLD TEETH!"

Sheeesh! If you're wondering how bad things will get, maybe this will give you a hint. Already, we have folks paying for prime-time spots during some of television's most-watched political commentary programs asking you to hock your choppers for some extra dough to pay the electric bill. And they're only doing it because they know times are tough, and they just wanna help.

Or maybe it's because the only thing that will be worth a warm bucket of spit in a few months will be gold. Those little slips of paper with faces of old white men in powdered wigs you keep in your pocket won't be worth the ...er... paper they're printed on.

There have been those who have been telling us this for years. Gold is where it's at. Ron Paul has preached till his hair turned white that the worst thing to ever happen to the country was when we eschewed the gold standard and started making money from thin air. All the "educated" folks called him a kook.

A group of true believers started making Ron Paul "Liberty Dollars" a while back from gold and silver. The gub'ment didn't think it was very funny. FBI and Secret Service agents raided their offices and took everything in them, including "all the gold, all the silver, all the platinum and almost two tons of Ron Paul Dollars... They also took all the files, all the computers and froze [their] bank accounts."

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The webmaster at WhatReallyHappened.com posited that, "Maybe George Bush was jealous because nobody wants to put his face on coins (just toilet paper)."

One OEN reader has commented that he just lost $50,000 from his 401(K).

Another good investment, for those who are fairly certain the next president will be another old white man, may be in bomb shelters (as per an article by Ms. Mary MacElveen.)

Oh, well. I gotta go yank some molars. Now, where did I put those pliers...

By JC Garrett

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JC Garrett is a freelance writer and Constitutional scholar from the piney-woods of East Texas. Mr. Garrett owns and operates an independent recording studio, plays several instruments, writes, sings, and produces music. His stories have (more...)
 

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Hey, JC...I loved, loved, loved the article and as... by Mary MacElveen on Tuesday, Sep 16, 2008 at 5:50:57 AM
I personally think Obama will win decisively, so I... by JC Garrett on Tuesday, Sep 16, 2008 at 12:17:59 PM
I'm saving my gold filling for bargaining myse... by bucketslogg on Tuesday, Sep 16, 2008 at 10:15:05 PM
But only after I send as many as I can to that neo... by JC Garrett on Tuesday, Sep 16, 2008 at 10:37:33 PM
I would love a hand out as much as the next guy bu... by Gallaher on Tuesday, Sep 16, 2008 at 11:32:20 PM
He will tax the same people now that was was going... by JC Garrett on Wednesday, Sep 17, 2008 at 12:31:58 AM