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My War On Christmas

By       Message William R Castlelich     Permalink
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Well, another festive, Christmas season has come to a merciful conclusion. In a major newspaper yesterday a major newspaper journalist was postulating on the possibility that us good Christians would at least bomb the holy do-do (Opednews suggested I not use the "s-word;" no problem with the much more obscene "war" though--f-wording odd isn't it?) out of Iran. He didn't believe we had enough of a military to put boots on the ground, but we have more fire power on one of our nuclear aircraft carriers than most continents, so felt this would be the route we'd most probably take. Why?

To destroy Iran's capacity to build weapons of mass destruction, a path they started down many, many years ago, but accelerated when President Bush named them to his "Axis of Evil" hit parade. And, since "weapons of mass destruction" seems to work why not use it? I'm just thankful to God and Jesus and Mother Mary and all those Saints and Santa we waited until after Christmas. I don't think you can start a war on, or around, Jesus' birthday; that would be unseemly.

But actual war isn't really what I wanted to address. I wanted to talk about fictional, delusional war--the war that has been conducted on Christmas (Christ and Christian) these last many years. My profession is human resources and I cannot tell you the number of times one of my Christian brethren has come to me and said "I can't believe we have to have a 'holiday' party instead of a Christmas party. It's one day for Christ's sake. What's the big deal?"

And I usually respond "precisely," which sort of always generates this odd look and occasionally some drooling.

First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out--because I was not a communist;

We're a Christian nation. In one poll, also not inconsequentially something that could be used as a tagline for FOX "News," 87 percent of the population says they're Christian. I didn't really think 87 percent of the population would ever agree to anything in our country except maybe "the evil doers are bad," but here we are at 87 percent Christian.

Of course there are other things almost all of us agree on. Almost that percent of the population was in agreement that we had to go into Iraq and kick some ass. We can argue that statement now, but it was the case then, except for those goofs like Obama, sort of like Vietnam and the goofs like McGovern--the vast majority of Americans agreed with our invasion and occupation of Vietnam, well right up until we ran out of poor soldiers and started drafting the more well to do ones--then it was time to leave; go figure.

And at least 87 percent of the population believed we needed to get Osama, "Dead or Alive." And probably still do. So our good Christian nation generally agrees when we need to go blow up men, women, children and the unborn in the name of democracy, freedom and mostly our security and safety.

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Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out--because I was not a trade unionist;

I don't really have a War on Christmas. Oh sure I change the radio channel almost whenever one of those Christmas songs come on, but they're on 24/7 and they're just not that good or beautiful and if you've heard one chestnut roasting on an open fire, you've heard them all. And I like rock and roll and how many times can you really listen to All I want for Christmas is You?, or Last Christmas or Feliz Navidad? Really? (For me, I usually make it all the way through once in a season; that's plenty.)

And I didn't put up a Christmas tree. They're just a big pain in the ass to take down and needles get all over the place. And I don't care, I don't care, what anyone says, but you can spot a fake Christmas tree from the front of any house, anytime, anywhere. I've tried the experiment and you can.

I didn't put up any lights either. I never have, though, so I'm not sure if this is a demonstration of having my War on Christmas, or a demonstration of my lack of energy to go hang on my very steep roof in sub-zero temperatures and adorn my house with a bunch of lights that basically say to me "look, I need to paint my trim."

And we held another "holiday" party at work. My job is to include everyone and the Muslims and Jews and even the couple of atheists we have in our workplace have difficulty digesting Jesus because they simply believe he was a very nice and good man, but most probably wasn't the son of God. Plus, and rather shockingly, their god isn't a long-haired white hippy, who, with just a little work looks a lot like Santa. Of course the atheists just think all this magic stuff with the omniscient being is a bunch of hoo-hah.

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My Christian friends asked me "What's the big deal?" And I responded "precisely."

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out--because I was not a Jew;

We're a great nation...I guess. I guess we are. I don't know that 87 percent of Native Americans would stand up and say "you betcha" to that. I doubt 87 percent of the 30 percent of unemployed black males, or the 50 percent who have been, or are, a part of our penal system would shout "absolutely" to that. I'm not sure that you could get a consensus of world opinion over 50 percent that says anything that might closely resemble that statement.

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A writer for over 30 years and political satirist. Of course without a single published piece of merit, which makes me your average American blogger.

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