Minnie Mouse Groped

If Senate Republicans went to China, they would be lined against a wall and shot. This partially explains why the Chinese have come out of the recession and the Americans haven't.

Our lead story features Pennsylvanian John Moyer visiting Disney World with his grandchildren. They were touring in Toontown when they met Minnie Mouse. While John posed for a picture with Minnie, he fondled her fake mouse boobs and patted her butt. He did it in front of his grandkids, but at an angle they could not see. After the family walked away, Minnie notified her boss and he notified the Disney Police. They used the newly installed surveillance system [the cameras disguised as mouse ears] to arrest the hapless groper.

Last week, he went on trial and was just sentenced to two days in jail, 180 days probation, and 50 hours of community service--all of which he must do before he can head home to Pennsylvania.

At the trial, the defense attorney argued. "It doesn't matter she was grabbed. She's just a mouse." The prosecutor countered. "It's not just a mouse. It's a person ... It's not OK to go to the diner and pinch a waitress' butt anymore, and it's not OK to go to a theme park and pinch a character's butt."

The defense attorney stressed the incident happened in front of many people, none of whom thought anything was wrong. Also, Minnie didn't say anything! The prosecutor answered that since Disney actors are fired for breaking character, she was terrified of losing her job.

Minnie Mouse Groper Fingerprinted

John William Moyer, 60, of Cressona, Penn., left, wipes the ink from his hands after he was convicted and sentenced Tuesday of misdemeanor battery charge for groping of a woman playing Minnie Mouse at Walt Disney World. (GEORGE SKENE, ORLANDO SENTINEL )

Baxter Pharmaceuticals May Kill 150 Millions Patients

Baxter plans to inoculate 150 millions infants and care givers against the swine flu. Worryworts contend the five ingredients of the vaccine never combine naturally. Baxter has not tested the vaccine fully. God forbid! If the 150 millions die from poisoning, will anyone from Baxter or the FDA be held accountable? In China the villains would be executed yet another cultural difference.

Is Politico.com Harming Us?

"Politico does some interesting reporting, no doubt about that. If you want to check the latest gossip on Capitol Hill, Politico is the place to go. But if you're looking for objective reporting, Politico isn't exactly the symbol of journalistic integrity.

Politico, much like the Main Stream Media, views politics as a sport. Sarah Palin's assertion that the Obama Administration would run health care 'Death Panels' is demonstrably false, yet Politico reports on the statement it in terms of its political effectiveness.

Extending the corporate media's journalistic culture to the web may be an effective business model, but it goes against the spirit of the alternative media. It is our job to call B.S, not promote it for ratings."

From The Daily Banter

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