Cross Posted at Legal Schnauzer
The poisoning of iconic oak trees on an Alabama campus might not rank among the most heinous crimes ever. But the alleged perpetrator, if proven guilty, surely will rank among our all-time most pathetic criminals. He also has revealed himself to be a dumb ass of the highest order, which makes us think he must be a Republican.
Harvey Updyke, a University of Alabama fan, has been charged with poisoning the trees at famed Toomer's Corner on the Auburn University campus. Updyke apparently was angry that Auburn, UA's cross-state rival, was on its way to an undefeated, national-championship season.
Why is Updyke a colossal dumb ass--aside from the fact he allegedly took out his frustrations on defenseless trees that are reportedly 130 years old? He took actions that ensured he was going to get caught. And his infantile efforts to draw attention to his actions remind us of our experiences with certain sickos associated with the Alabama Republican Party.
Why were police able to nab Updyke not long after news broke about the poisoning? He called the Birmingham-based Paul Finebaum Radio Network and bragged about what he had done. The Finebaum Network is one of the best-known sports-talk programs in the Southeast, and Updyke identified himself in the call as "Al from Dadeville."
What is Updyke's full name? Harvey Almorn Updyke Jr. And where does he live? Near Dadeville, Alabama.
Smart move, Harv. Call a heavily trafficked radio show to brag about a crime you've committed--and give your real name and location.
Updyke then said he had poisoned the trees and even explained how he did it. It has long been an Auburn tradition for fans to roll the trees with toilet paper after big football victories. (The tradition itself already was harming the trees, even before Updyke allegedly came along.)
You can listen to Updyke's call to the Finebaum Network here:
The content of the call is not the most glaring signal that Updyke is a dumb ass. Simply placing the call was his biggest mistake. Police found him by tracking the call. To make matters worse for Ole Harv, he also bragged about his act by calling an Auburn University professor. That gave law-enforcement officials two avenues to search. Reports The Birmingham News:
Auburn police more than a week ago had tracked down Harvey Updyke, the man now charged with criminal mischief in the poisoning of the oak trees at Toomer's Corner at Auburn University, by tracing a telephone voice mail to a turfgrass management professor, according to court documents.
The man charged with the crime also has told police he made the phone calls to the professor and a radio talk show, but has denied he actually poisoned the trees.
In an affidavit filed this morning in Lee County Circuit Court charging Harvey Almorn Updyke Jr. with first-degree criminal mischief, Col. Melvin Owens, Executive Director of Security and Public Safety at Auburn University, stated that a professor of turfgrass management got a suspicious telephone voice message on Feb. 7.