OpEdNews » Living with the Insane

National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (N.A.M.I.) is a support group for parents &/or siblings of the mentally ill. I would like to see a support group started for children &/or adults who were or are being raised by a mentally ill parent as I was.

In 1997 or '98 I went to what was called a LUPUS reform meeting. It was the only one that I have heard of. As I understand the reform it would make it easier for a friend &/or family member to have someone placed on a 72 hour hold for evaluation. (To make sure that they are able to care for themselves &/or their children). Before they become a danger to themselves &/or others, as the law now requires.

I wrote a short summary of my experiences from being raised by a mentally ill parent to read at that meeting but wasn't given that opportunity. I no longer have that letter but it went something like this:

My name is Brenda, my mother became noticably ill when I was 9 years old. She was a single parent, my dad is a retired top official of the U.S. Navy. He never mailed me a card, present or even phoned me. I did not meet him until my mothers death, when I was 30 years old. By age 11 my grandmother took me & my mom into her home because my mom had become too psychotic to maintain a job or a residence on her own anymore. . My grandmother told me to stay in our room where my mother would smoke 4 packs of cigarettes a day & yell at the voices she heard in her head all hours of the day & night. And then she put Boric Acid on her face before my grandmother finally called the police for help. But the police said there was nothing that they could do because she wasn't being a danger to anyone. But she was. She was a danger to me. To get away from the insanity I ran the streets. School was just a place to be baby-sat. I was raped & molested by 26 different adults by age 15 some repeatedly. I also had sex with boys my own age. I did drugs to laugh about it, I even attempted suicide repeatedly.

I now have a mental problem myself, so if you don't see me going to my doctors or taking my meds then please take me to a doctor, lock me up. But please do something.

I now wonder had I been able to read that letter would our Heavenly Father have needed to save me from myself so many times? I feel that God is reaching through me to save others.

Since then I have shot bathroom cleaner in my veins, cut my wrist again & even set myself on fire. Then I had a severe brain stem stroke at age 35 & could not move at all. I could not talk, chew, swallow or even breath on my own. I could have died 11 times. I know what it is like to be abandoned, neglected, abused, raped, molested, drugged, verbally, physically & emotionally abused by myself & by others. I have alot of self-inflicted scars. And scars from hospitals & other events that should never happen to anyone.

My mother died in 1999 in my arms. I know what it is like to have died. And I know what it is like to have everything taken away from you & have nothing. And start all over again on every level: potty training, talking, eating, reading, writing. I know what it is like to be bedridden. I know what it is like to be in a wheelchair & not be able to fit through a bathroom door & pee all over myself & then not be able to reach far enough back to wipe my own butt, due to the paralysis from the stroke. I know what it is like to be alone...alot. . . . I know what it is like to be alone...a lot. I also learned what it is like to be a foreigner in my own country. Most of our doctors, nurses & even CNAs are imported from other countries.They can talk english, read english (already formed words) but they could not spell english. Leaving me with no way to communicate with those who were suppose to care for me, because of my stroke. I was given what is called a spelling board which is basically a piece of paper with the alphabet on it but it did me no good, because anyone caring for me could not spell english! It should be against the law to hire people who can't write, read & spell english, especially in a hospital! And because they always spoke to each other in their native tongues I had to lay there & wonder if I was still even in America.

I still want to see the LUPUS reform become law, because there are still plenty of children out there being raised by a mentally ill parent that are not seeing doctors, dentist or getting proper nutrition, decent clothes, shoes or a proper education. Let alone the parent who is ill & can not do these things for themselves.

I am learning to forgive myself as well as others. I am going to my doctors, taking my meds, I eat right & drink lots of water. But if you don't see me doing these things please take me to a doctor, lock me up, but do something.

My goal is to stop this from happening to more & more children. To help other victims find resources, info., and links I helped create VoteStrike.com We have begun promoting a General Strike for September 11th through the 15th so that average citizens can reclaim the power that has been stolen by corporate financing of our government.

N.A.M.I. is not affiliated with this website.

E-mail Brenda at: realchange@votestrike.com

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Founder of the NC Coalition for Verified Voting.We passed a law to require VVPB on August 2005 after years of work. NC Coalition for Verified Voting is an all volunteer organization that does not solicit or accept donations.
ncvoterFounder of the NC Coalition for Verified Voting.We passed a law to require VVPB on August 2005 after years of work. NC Coalition for Verified Voting is an all volunteer organization that does not solicit or accept donations.

((((((Brenda))))))

Brenda, you have made it really far. The activism is a sign of your strong character and your inherent sense of decency and caring towards others.

Thank you for sharing this story that must be horrific to re-tell.

Many people will benefit from you having shared this. I hope that you will consider writing a book if you haven't already, as you have so much life experience that may make more people aware of the need for care mentally ill and also protection for the children of mentally ill.

Thank you so much.

I am book marking the website you referenced.

by ncvoter (18 articles, 1 quicklinks, 1 diaries, 109 comments) on Thursday, August 21, 2008 at 8:38:58 PM

I created a website www.votestrike.com for you, the voters, because, whichever party you belong to they have failed you.

The website has the ambitious goal of ending the two party system & the third party myth. Modeled after the fall of the Berlin wall, the Polish overthrow of the communist government, and the Phillipine removal of Marcos. All of this was accomplished without firing a shot.

About the author: I'm uneducated, my opinion means nothing but I know that I'm a...

to see more of bio, click on member name
chris riceI created a website www.votestrike.com for you, the voters, because, whichever party you belong to they have failed you.

The website has the ambitious goal of ending the two party system & the third party myth. Modeled after the fall of the Berlin wall, the Polish overthrow of the communist government, and the Phillipine removal of Marcos. All of this was accomplished without firing a shot.

About the author: I'm uneducated, my opinion means nothing but I know that I'm a...

to see more of bio, click on member name

Thank You

I will pass this on to Brenda. She is currently at Riverside Community Hospital due to swelling and pain she is having from being dropped during a transfer at Corora Regional Hospital. Where she was for chest pain.

She is doing 100% better but is now having terrible side effects due to a new medication her heart doctor put her on recently. And we are switching that back now.

She will be delighted to hear your reply. There is no book but there should be, huh?

by chris rice (88 articles, 80 quicklinks, 27 diaries, 222 comments) on Thursday, August 21, 2008 at 9:03:20 PM

Founder and director of Assistance to the Incarcerated Mentally Ill ("AIMI"), an advocacy agency established in 2007 to (a) decriminalize mental illness in America; (b) remove the stigma associated with mental illness; (c) increase accessibility to inpatient and outpatient mental health services; and (d) advocate for improvements in how mentally ill citizens are treated within their communities, by police during arrests, and when incarcerated in correctional facilities.

AIMI was cre...

to see more of bio, click on member name
Mary NealFounder and director of Assistance to the Incarcerated Mentally Ill ("AIMI"), an advocacy agency established in 2007 to (a) decriminalize mental illness in America; (b) remove the stigma associated with mental illness; (c) increase accessibility to inpatient and outpatient mental health services; and (d) advocate for improvements in how mentally ill citizens are treated within their communities, by police during arrests, and when incarcerated in correctional facilities.

AIMI was cre...

to see more of bio, click on member name

If Not You, Who?

Thank you so much for sharing your important story. Today there are groups fighting against removing children from parents with severe mental problems, so there will likely soon be plenty more persons who need the support group you spoke of in your article.

Your speaking up about this issue will help other people who are too afraid of the stigma associated with mental illness to also come forward and share their experiences. Only by shedding a spotlight on issues can we ever expect help to become available and more understanding from society.

My mentally ill brother died in jail under secret arrest for some misdemeanor associated with his disability. I looked hard for an organization that was exclusively dedicated to the decriminalization of mental illness. 1.25 million mental patients are imprisoned today in America, instead of receiving treatment in their communities or, if they are convicted of violent crimes, in hospitals. I found some excellent mental healt orgs, but none with that particular goal and focus!

It appears that I was almost a century too late to unite with such an effort, because Dorothea Dix crusaded on behalf of the jailed mentally ill citizens in the 1800's and started the nation's first generation of mental hospitals. Many of those hospitals are being closed today, resulting in serious overcrowding and staff shortages in those remaining. Meanwhile, our tax burden for warehousing the mentally ill LIKE ANIMALS in prison grows every day. How humane is jailing people for having a health problem?

So take my advice: If the organization does not exist, START IT! I did, and I hope you visit Assistance to the Incarcerated Mentally Ill ("AIMI") at our home on Care2 Network today. Here is the link for your convenience!

*** NEW: VISIT AIMI ON CARE2 ~ JOIN US: ***
Assistance to the Incarcerated Mentally Ill

Link: http://www.care2.com/c2c/people/profile.html?pid=513396753

Hope you visit us soon! Good luck if you decide to fill the need of an org. dedicated to the children of the mentally ill.

Mary Neal
Assistance to the Incarcerated Mentally Ill
Website: http://wrongfuldeathoflarryneal.com

by Mary Neal (2 articles, 0 quicklinks, 0 diaries, 18 comments) on Thursday, August 21, 2008 at 9:03:15 PM

Sandy Sand began her writing career while raising three children and doing public relations work for Women's American ORT (Organization for Rehabilitation through Training). That led to a job as a reporter for the San Fernando Valley Chronicle, a weekly publication in Canoga Park, California. In conjunction with the Chronicle, she broadcast a tri-weekly, 10-minute newscast for KGOE AM. Following the closure of the Chronicle, Sand became the editor of the Tolucan Times and Canyon Crier newspapers...

to see more of bio, click on member name
Sandy SandSandy Sand began her writing career while raising three children and doing public relations work for Women's American ORT (Organization for Rehabilitation through Training). That led to a job as a reporter for the San Fernando Valley Chronicle, a weekly publication in Canoga Park, California. In conjunction with the Chronicle, she broadcast a tri-weekly, 10-minute newscast for KGOE AM. Following the closure of the Chronicle, Sand became the editor of the Tolucan Times and Canyon Crier newspapers...

to see more of bio, click on member name

No better than the bad old days

I know the experience of English-handicapped medical care givers from when a relative spent his last six years in a facility misnomered convalescent care.

If by convalescent they mean lie there 'til you die and care you wouldn't want for your dog, then they're properly named. But I don't think so.

I never saw one patient ambulate his way out of one.

I even had my relative call me twice in the middle of the night to help get care for his roomie. Once I was able to get someone on the phone; the second time I called the paramedics to respond.

If a family member didn't go there every day to crack a whip over them, I'm sure he would have did sooner, which might have been a blessing. I wouldn't call the last six year of his life "living" by any stretch of the imagination.

If it weren't so serious, the multi-language comedy of errors would be funny.

All the Medi-Medi docs were Arabs who spoke and wrote fluent English, were very sweet and caring men; if you could get beyond deciphering what they were saying through their thick accents. In person wasn't quite as bad as over the phone.

Then there were the well-educated thickly accented Philippinos who had the responsible jobs and the un- or under-educated Mexicans and Latins who did the grub work who probably couldn't write in their own language, and they sure as hell didn't speak English. Or if they did, they pretended not to.

A conversation amongst these people was a skit straight from Monty Python or Saturday Night Live. I'm sure that more than one death occurs daily here in Los Angeles, as well as across the country, at the hands of these non-communicators.

Besides legislators lobbied to pass care-giver law mandating English be spoken and written by all employees of these facilities, I'd like to see all right to life groups be pestered to death to do something.

If life is so damned important to them, then they should be in the forefront of such ventures. So far all I've seen from them is passion for in-uterine life, not for the born, no matter their age.

A book and/or documentry is a helluvah an idea.

by Sandy Sand (198 articles, 0 quicklinks, 227 diaries, 1548 comments) on Sunday, August 24, 2008 at 1:53:39 PM

About ConvaCare

Brenda would like to see a grading system in place like they have for restraunts.

But the only safe place for your loved ones is in the home. They recieve better care and it is quicker to for you to call the paramedics than for them to call you and then you call the paramedics. This is true for all facilities.

But there are even worse places. If you can't eat or need other life saving equipment they have hospital warehouses like Kindred in Ontario, Ca. where they warehouse patients until they die.

Patients are screaming day and night just for a drink of water. Loud beeping sounds from other patients machines sound off 24/7. And there's a light shinning in your eyes even while you try to sleep. And nobody cares.

by chris rice (88 articles, 80 quicklinks, 27 diaries, 222 comments) on Sunday, August 24, 2008 at 2:14:44 PM

Kathlyn Stone is a Minnesota-based writer covering science and medicine, health care and related policies. She publishes www.fleshandstone.net, a health and science news site.
Kathlyn StoneKathlyn Stone is a Minnesota-based writer covering science and medicine, health care and related policies. She publishes www.fleshandstone.net, a health and science news site.

Thanks for sharing your story

People who haven't had your experience can still learn from it. Others have pretended mental illness doesn't exist or place blame on the victims and then turn away. We can't let them.

Moreover, thank you and Chris for starting VoteStrike. I've seen both names on emails and postings here and there (we're friends on FaceBook!) and figured you were a busy tag team.

Sending you love.

by Kathlyn Stone (44 articles, 227 quicklinks, 27 diaries, 685 comments) on Sunday, August 24, 2008 at 8:30:57 PM