If I was to go on the set of "Grey's Anatomy" and consult with Dr. McDreamy (don't I wish!) about the state of John McCain's health, I wonder what the good doctor would say....

Since the people in charge of McCain's campaign aren't ever going to release his medical records without a fight all the way up to the Supreme Court, investigative reporters like me are going to have to make do with other means of digging for the truth -- including a quick trip to Seattle Grace.

"What observations have you made that would help give the American public a better sense of McCain's state of health?" I would ask Dr. McDreamy. "American voters need to know this information because if by some miracle (and with a little help from Diebold) McCain actually did get inaugurated and then his health deteriorated while he was in office, then we'd be stuck with Sarah Palin." At the prospect of Palin becoming the next Miss America, I bet you anything that Dr. McDreamy would wince, shudder and tell all.

"I've observed McCain on television on several occasions and have come up with some tentative diagnoses," Dr. McDreamy might reply. "For instance, I've noted that he has trouble going up and down the stairs of planes. He doesn't seem to have much functional control over his legs and knees." Interesting.

"And, during the debates with Obama, I noticed that his body movements are stiff. I can't say for sure without a thorough examination but off-hand I would guess that his spine was fused in at least one place. Plus his stiffness of gait and shuffling walk could be signs of neurological damage."

"What about his history of skin cancer?"

"Again, it's hard to say without giving Mr. McCain a thorough exam." Okay. Yeah. Works for me. Let's go ahead and GIVE the dude a thorough exam. There is just too much at stake for American voters to not know the actual facts regarding McCain's state of health.

I also know for a fact that Dr. McDreamy is available for consultations every Thursday night at 8:00 pm. I bet that John would have absolutely no trouble getting an appointment.

Can I have one too?

PS: I'll have to wait to schedule my appointment with Dr. McDreamy until I get back from Iran. I'm leaving tomorrow and won't be back until Halloween. So, John, please don't bomb bomb bomb Iran while I'm gone!