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Indian's to sign Shoeman?

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Close friends in Cleveland employed by the Indians baseball organization have emailed me the remarkable news that their farm club has dispatched two scouts and an agent to talk with the Baghdad shoe thrower who tossed two major-league pitches just past President Bush's head recently. 
The scouts agreed that the first pitch--although high and inside-- was a keeper of a curve, tailing down and sharply away from Bush's right ear. Only the President's quick reflexes prevented a called strike. Back in the batter's box, the gallant lame-duck was dusted with what looked to be a rising fastball that just missed his head. 
Cleveland scouts, although eager to sign this "lone shoeman ," - remain cautionary, however. 
"We aren't sure if the second pitch was intended for Bush or the Prime Minister, who was standing beside him--so the kid may need some work on his control,"- said a scout who spoke on condition of anonymity, citing vague threats against the Cleveland organization made by Homeland Security. "They feel that our interest in this young phenom is detrimental to the war effort,"- he continued. "I don't know what their problem is--we haven't won a Series since '-48 and America hasn't won a war since '45. We're both in the same boat. We keep losing and losing. I think we can help each other. If enough of these kids are out there, we could sign all of 'em and maybe end the damned war by the time spring training starts. Now, that's a win-win situation."- 

The determined Indians have apparently been talking with Dennis Kucinich about sponsoring a Congressional "ball-out",- noting that Yankee scouts were recently spotted in the Green Zone carrying heavy suitcases emblazoned with "Mission Accomplished!"- stickers. The congressman enthusiastically agrees, saying "A ball-out beats a bail-out any time. Balls, not bombs, is what we need here. It's time for America's--and the Indians'--long nightmare to come to an end."-

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Tom Erwin is a writer and coffee lover living in Eugene, Oregon.

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Indian's to sign Shoeman?