I just got an e-mail from my friend Joe Thompson. Joe used to work in the Louisiana oil patch back in the day and has apparently seen it all. "Jane," wrote Joe, "You aren't the only one shaking your head over John McCain's choice of a running mate. From my point of view he is a horny old man, who selected a horny young woman and intends to screw America all the way to the White House and beyond."

Whoa, Joe! You gotta stop thinking like that! You're a Democrat. Democrats fight fair. Making nasty innuendos and spreading disgusting rumors is Karl Rove's job. You're out of your league.

Then I got an e-mail from my friend Hanna. "C'mon, guys," she wrote me and Joe. "Nobody would actually voluntarily touch that repulsive old geriatric case John McCain .... not even Palin... for a Vice Presidency ... would she?"

Perhaps Palin might not eagerly jump at the chance to become John McCain's next Cindy -- and I bet that even Cindy herself is currently letting said opportunity slide (perhaps she's too busy right now mourning the fact that Austin Kutcher is married?) -- but I imagine that there are whole bunches of desperate octogenarian ladies living in rest homes in Florida who still think that John McCain is a BABE.

PS: I myself, while still only a sexagenarian, am not especially attracted to the Republican presumptive candidate for President -- but give me 20 more years and maybe even he will start to look good. In the meantime, I'm leaving on Wednesday to spend a week in some unnamed Asian country that is currently totally out of favor with McCain's neo-con clique, so if John wants to name ME as his vice president and offer some hanky-panky on the side too, he's gonna have to track me down there.