Gone Old Party's Campaign Song: "McCain's Wonderful World"

With apologies to the late Sam Cooke, here is my suggestion for the theme song the Republicans should be singing at their convention and throughout the campaign:

Don't know much about her story,
don't know much of her biography.
Don't know much about the alliance I booked,
don't know much about the hunch I took.
But I do know that I love you,
and I know that if you love me, too,
what a wonderful ticket this would be.

Don't know much about geography,
But I do know Alaska's close to Russia
don't know much economics.
Do know how to say, "Abracadabra!"
don't know what diplomacy is for.
But I know that one and one is two,
and if this one could be with you,
what a wonderful ticket this would be.
 

I don't claim to be a 'C' student,
but I'm tryin' to be.
For maybe by being a 'C'-student, baby,
I can win the Bush voters' love for me.
 

Don't know much' bout the Middle East
Just look at the fissures and bomb the beasts
Don't know nothin' 'bout no Bush reprise and stall.
Don't know nothin' 'bout nothin' at all.
But I do know
Girls, it's you I've been thinkin' of,
And if I could only win your votes,
Oh girls
What a wonderful election this would be.

Don't know much about her history,
don't know much biology.
'cause of the Creationism on which she's hooked.
Don't know much about a science book,
'cause I believe global warming is gobbledygook.
But I do know that I love what Bush has done,
and I know that if you let me continue his run,
what a wonderful world this would be.
 

Her story?
Ban Biology!
No Science book!
Hunch I took!
But I do know that I love what Bush has done,
and I know that if you let me continue his run,
what a wonderful world this would be
. . . for me.

{Historian Robert S. McElvaine is Elizabeth Chisholm Professor of Arts & Letters at Millsaps College. His latest book is Grand Theft Jesus: The Hijacking of Religion in America .}