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From Alice's Restaurant to Dante's Cafe

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These days, when I pick up my morning paper, I feel like I'm reading a surreal menu of woe penned by Dante Alighieri himself.

Welcome to Dante's Restaurant

Pick Your Poison

Today's Special

Fire-roasted Russian landscape with smoked Russians and blackened garnish.

From Our Menu:

(Your Choice!) Muddy-water marinated Pakistanis or Chinese, garnished with water chestnuts steamed in septic laced free-range water.
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Soup of Poland: AnOpaque favorite spiked with fresh floaters. followed by mud-pie topped with creme-de-misery

Foreclosure Succotash: Bank-baked foreclosure-succotash served with either deep-fried nervous systems or sad salad.

Half-baked Palin-patties: served cold over a bed of wilted locoweed.

(Popular!) Our famous Bankruptcy Burger: Made with meat bred, grown and nurtured on the lush money-green lawns of the District of Columbia!

Unemployment Toffee: Small helpings for the budget minded -- no nutritional value to speak of, but you'll be back for more!

Double-dip Sandwich -- You know it, because you've had it before. by unpopular demand, it's baaaacccck!

The 401K platter: (Sorry. Discontinued)

Afghanistan Quagmire Stew: prepared daily with only meat and ingredients flown in FRESH Daily from US suppliers.

Tea Party Special: A new twist on an old favorite! Tea Partiers pay for and then serve meals to wealthy patrons and go home hungry but convinced they just had the best meal of their lives.

(NEW!) Virgin-Oil Marinated Shrimp: Gulf shrimp marinated in the freshest virgin oil on the planet. So tender no chewing required -- they slide effortlessly down -- and out again.
Deflation Souffle': First inflated then carelessly deflated, this souffle' costs less and less each day -- which is good news since you'll also be earning less and less with each passing day.

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Stephen Pizzo has been published everywhere from The New York Times to Mother Jones magazine. His book, Inside Job: The Looting of America's Savings and Loans, was nominated for a (more...)

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I envy you:) You overcame my original thinking. Wa... by Mark Sashine on Tuesday, Aug 10, 2010 at 1:12:19 PM
:-)Steve... by Stephen Pizzo on Tuesday, Aug 10, 2010 at 1:17:34 PM
I've been so bored hearing about unemployment and ... by Margaret Bassett on Tuesday, Aug 10, 2010 at 1:39:16 PM
Thanks for the laughs, those seem to be in very sh... by Laura Roberts on Tuesday, Aug 10, 2010 at 9:34:14 PM
You and (Dave) Lindorff and I think Fidel Castro. ... by Ned Lud on Wednesday, Aug 11, 2010 at 10:39:07 AM
A most satisfying satiric succotash.... by Perry Logan on Wednesday, Aug 11, 2010 at 12:13:20 PM