Too dumb to break mirrors, I allowed vanity to get me on a diet. I denied it was just another "yeah, sure" moment, one more immature effort to get hunky again. I convinced myself it was a calm considered crack at feeling better and getting healthy.Because I've had some luck with the low-carb thing. I threw away my uninsured anxieties over possible complications, dumped the brown rice, swore off the great (and dirt cheap) big box store chocolate chip cookies, and stocked up on meat and dairy products. I started losing weight - but it didn't run off in sheets the way it once had. Something wasn't working right. I was only losing a pound or so a week even though I was being a very good boy and keeping myself (I thought) under ten carbs a day. My body just wasn't going into that magical weight loss state of ketosis.
After about six weeks of this slow and disappointing progress, I decided to drop seven bucks and go for the ketone test strips- an investment in the scientific method. Sure enough, despite my rigorous adherence to well learned methods, the test results revealed only mild, rather than severe, ketosis.
How do they get the water into those birds? When did all this start?If we could go back to the day and peek over the fence, we might see all the high paid execs lining the edges of the pool. Mr. Perdue is floating on a cushion. A column with no end in sight carries the chickens into the hands of the Great Plucker. Then, with scientific precision and ergonomic efficiency, it is determined just how long Frank has to hold each one underwater (on a per pound basis). I'll leave figuring out how they do the pigs to you. They call it "dope" for a reason. Who could be dumber than a doper? Well, while that's hard to say precisely, I would venture to guess I never met even the most flipped out freak that was so stupid as to buy wet grass. Everyone knows, or so I thought, that watering products was a scam. Can we imagine the gourmet class, the all-natural types, standing at the scale at the upscale organic rip-off market while some smiling face pours water over the nuts, herbs, and other savory spices? How about the hunter carting off a soaking wet sack of deer corn? Yet, while we are laughing at the bong crowd, most of the meat and fowl (foul?) we are eating has been watered. It takes a queer duck indeed to pay for a watered bird.
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