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Buoyed by their meaningless victory in repealing last year's improved health care bill, House Republicans are now planning and strategizing to repeal the Law of Gravity. Speaker of the House John Boehner (aka Jack the Weeper) is announcing this monumental effort at changing the rules of physics as "on behalf of the American people, whom we love, and love to love, really and truly." The exact timing of the planned repeal of the Law of Gravity is still a bit uncertain, but it is guaranteed to happen shortly before the Nether Regions freeze over.
A Republican "fact sheet" being used to justify the repeal of the Law of Gravity makes the following bullet points (bullets are dearly loved by Republicans, as they can be used in guns, which they love even more):
1) The Law of Gravity is unfair to all those hard-working wealthy Americans who can't carry that wealth around with them because it is too heavy, due to gravity. Of course, they might leave their wealth in financial institutions, but those same financial institutions aka banks cannot be trusted due to all of the slack Republicans cut for them.
2) The Law of Gravity is responsible for many harmful effects, from causing plane crashes to making all that BP oil remaining in the Gulf of Mexico sink towards the bottom, where it will linger for centuries, further polluting the Earth as well as our bodily fluids.
3) The Law of Gravity is responsible for the decline in American family values and religious observance (the logic of this third proposition is not spelled out in the draft of the Republican "fact sheet" but they are still working on it.)
Following their anticipated success in the repeal of the Law of Gravity, House Republicans have further repeals in mind, such as repealing Isaac Newton's Laws of Motion; they take particular exception to this Law: For Every Action, There Is An Equal and Opposite Reaction. The National Rifle Association aka the Gun Lobby has pointed out that this is the Law responsible for the recoil of guns and similar weapons, which sometimes interferes with shooting accuracy. And if there is one thing Republicans and the NRA cannot stand, it is missing their targets! Just ask Dick Cheney about that.
