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FLASH! Mitt Romney Endorses Barack Obama for a second term as president!

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In a stunning political development which took the nation by surprise, Republican Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney has endorsed his opponent, Democrat Barack Obama, for a second term as President!  The endorsement came shortly after their final debate in Boca Raton, Florida on Monday night, October 22.  According to former Massachusetts governor and freelance venture capitalist Romney, he experienced an epiphany during the debate, leading to his Obama endorsement.

Mr. Romney stated: "Listening to President Obama's lucid and perceptive analysis of America's foreign policy during his first term, I realized that he has indeed restored world confidence in American leadership, whereas I don't even know the difference between Russia and the former Soviet Union.  I can only say Amen to the President's comments last night."

According to Mr. Romney, another factor contributing to his decision to effectively withdraw from the presidential race is his realization that he himself is indeed among the so-called 47% who could not bring themselves to vote for him.  He stated: "Look, I pay very little in taxes, I benefit from a host of government programs, and I'm not really an entrepreneur since I destroyed more jobs than I created in the private sector.  Who am I to knock my colleagues in the 47% group?"

Since it is too late for the Republicans to select a different candidate and get that person's name on fifty State ballots, Mr. Romney agreed to remain on the ballot, as long as the nation understands his position and votes for Barack Obama.   He commented further: "Anyone who is thinking of voting for me should reconsider.  That would be like voting for more horses and bayonets rather than for a modern nuclear Navy and other strategic armed forces.  Given how inarticulate I was at last night's debate, with no real foreign affairs proposals or effective policy positions, I'm obviously not up to this job."

Asked about his ever-changing domestic policy approaches and positions, Romney responded: "Hey, what can you expect from a guy who hasn't ever had to actually take much responsibility, instead delegating most tasks to others?  My 'binders of women' could actually do a better job than I did in Massachusetts. That State slipped in education, job creation, and many other measures of progress while I was governor.  Why should anyone think I would do any better as President?  No way."

In response to a question about whether he had any regrets over his decision to endorse his opponent, Mr. Romney concluded: "Well, Anne is really unhappy with me, and my sons are livid -- they were all hoping for cabinet posts in a Romney administration.  But Anne has her horses and homes, and my sons can go off as missionaries to the heathens.  Maybe they can convert some of those Occupy Movement protesters.  Hey, you never know."


 

Author's Biography Eugene Elander has been a progressive social and political activist for decades. As an author, he won the Young Poets Award at 16 from the Dayton Poets Guild for his poem, The Vision. He was chosen Poet Laureate of Pownal, (more...)
 

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The biting satire of this article highlights the c... by Eugene Elander on Tuesday, Oct 23, 2012 at 6:44:32 AM