The Republicans are having trouble coming up with an acceptable candidate for president.
But now that corporations are persons, there's an obvious choice of candidates for the Republican ticket in 2012: ExxonMobil and Goldman Sachs.
Change you can believe in for 2012
Think of the advantages. There'd be no problem about financing the campaign. There'd be no embarrassing lapses of memory like Rick Perry's debate gaffe. They wouldn't have to apologize, like Mitt Romney has, for having in the past done something to help the middle class and the poor obtain health care. There'd be no need to suppress laughter, as there'd be if Sarah Palin or Michelle Bachmann were on the ticket. And there'd be no allegations of sexual misconduct like Herman Cain has to endure.
The candidates would run on a platform of lower taxes for the rich and deregulation.
I do see one problem, though. Would ExxonMobil and Goldman Sachs be acceptable to the religious right?
The solution? Hold a baptism for ExxonMobil and a bar mitzvah, or a bris, for Goldman Sachs.
But I gotta say. If you want to please the neocons, General Dynamics and KBR sure would make a better ticket.
(Originally published here)
