Dear Mr. President: Thanks Again For Cap And Trade

To The Office Of The President Of
The United States,


Dear Mr. Obama



We are the heads of a few of your
largest constituents, including Dow, GE and DuPont. This letter represents our
sentiments in wishing to express our gratitude for your and Ms. Pelosi's
efforts on our behalf. We thank you, our shareholders thank you, and certainly
all of us look forward to contributing to your Presidential Library, once you
leave office, if we did not sufficiently contribute already prior to the
election.



We can appreciate that neither
yourself nor your dear friends in Congress have had time to read the new Bill
that opens: "A BILL - To create clean energy jobs, achieve energy
independence, reduce global warming pollution and transition to a clean energy
economy." This Bill is very, very, very long and boring. It is also very
complex. We conceived it and structured it in such way that the fewer the
readers, the less editing would take place. We therefore anticipate that its
passage will be swift. The sooner that train leaves the station, the more
impossible its progress will be to reverse. It would also not be advantageous
if the irrationality, and fear surrounding humanity's hand in the process of
global warming were to subside. Now, is an opportune time to
strike.



Attaching the name "Cap and Trade"
to this whole business has been a stroke of genius. No one really understands
what it all means, and the media believes everything you tell them, so keep
plugging it, and keep promoting the "reduction in CO2" stuff. That works
really well in LA. Have you seen the air out there? Terrible. Terrible, or turbull
as Charles Barkley would say. We are all thrilled that you have successfully
reconstructed the original intent of CO2 reduction, into an energy consumption
reduction program. We knew you could do it.



The impact on consumption reduction
will, in our view, be minimal, and fortunately, that is not our objective. We
wish you much luck in managing this monster, and in building an administration
capable of verifying such things as the veracity of corporately claimed
offsets. This Bill is so complex that it will provide endless possibilities for
abuse and excesses, and we can smell the fraud stinking up the air already. As
you know, a transparent system such as a simple graduated carbon tax,
paralleled with targeted caps on emissions, would not have been as financially
beneficial for us. Not even close.



We are well aware that most of our
smaller brethren in the business will get put out to pasture as a result of
their inability to move off-shore quickly enough, or by the fact that they will
not be able to afford the carbon pollution permits. We, on the other hand,
already have unregulated facilities around the world to which we can reallocate
resources at a moment's notice. Our competitors will also not have our
advantage of receiving significant Cap and Trade credits based on our being
able to provide all necessary products supporting this bill, from solar panels
to wind mills in the sky. Our smaller competitors will also be unable to
sustain the sheer costs of managing the government's bureaucratic intrusion
into their affairs, as it deploys armies of newly hired climate science experts
to distribute and oversee capping and trading of carbon dioxide
emissions.



We anticipate much higher costs in
the manufacture of many alternate energy sources, such as solar energy
absorption cells, and this will impact the expansion of solar cell farms, but
well, we have no choice.



The Bill will be very effective in
rendering the cost of any carbon-based energy unaffordable through overwhelming
taxation. That should help you refill the government coffers somewhat, although
the hole you are digging for American taxpayers is becoming rather
considerable. Households across the country will bear the brunt of the costs,
through higher product prices and a heavier tax burden, but most people seem
very accepting of a "price" for reducing climate change. Even if most
don't believe that they impact climate, they still feel that the air needs
cleaning. We are unsure, however, how taxpayers will feel about being mandated
into financing the adoption of efficient technologies overseas. They will
probably not be thrilled with paying to prevent the clear-cutting of the
Amazon, for example, at a time when many households are barely paying their
food bills. We, on the other hand, will not be affected, whatever reactions
surface on that front, although a couple of us feel bad for our buddies running
operations like aluminum, or steel mills. They are in for some tough times.



We note that some of our other
friends on Wall Street are very preoccupied, as we write this letter, coming up
with new and extremely creative financial tools which they expect to launch
upon the Bill's passing. Those boys have amazing ways of getting in on any game
with the potential of throwing off billions in cash. They look forward to a
whole new set of opportunities opening up for them, replacing the ones eclipsed
by the recent devastating financial compression. Listening to some of them, one
might conclude that they have been holding séances with Jeffrey Skilling of
Enron fame.



We are anxious to be in receipt of
our free Trade Allowances, but most of all, we are excited with the
anticipation of enjoying astronomical growth for many years. In passing, we
should thank you for having allowed, and fuelled with cash, firms like Goldman
Sachs or Morgan Stanley to become even bigger, and more powerful than they were
before the financial down-turn. This action set a tremendous precedent we look
forward to duplicating in our industries. If you thought "too big to fail"
applied to these giants before the crash, wait until you see how big a few of
us get in the next five years.



We have one last request if we can
be so bold. Could you repeat as often as possible to the Nation that this Bill
will not cost over $3,000 per household each year, and that much like the
national objective of being carbon neutral, so too the cost will be, ...
"neutral." Explain to America that it is just a methodology for
keeping track of excessive energy consumers, and polluters. Perfect, don't you
think? They'll all buy it. The media will promote that theme for you.



We will continue to postulate
assertively on the need for battling global warming, and look forward to your
persistent oratory on getting this momentous Bill passed into law.



Sincerely.


Your Friendly Benefactors

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