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Clinton to Remain Stationed in Her-Talk Until 2013

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Responding to broad opposition in the general electorate, the Clinton campaign set a tentative timetable to remove Senator Hillary Clinton from Her-Talk no later than 2013.

Clinton has previously suggested she could remain stationed in Her-Talk for the next 100 years. Clinton released the shorter timetable in response to a new poll that reveals a striking majority of Americans oppose the Her-Talk War.

Public opinion has soured as the Her-Talk War has dragged on well past the Shock-and-Awe campaign that Clinton promised would bring her a speedy victory.

Now, many people believe Clinton lacked an exit strategy when she entered Her-Talk. The poll also found that 99 percent of Americans believe Clinton is establishing permanent bases—such as the invocation of RFK's assassination—for an on-going occupation in the primaries.

Since the Clinton-led invasion of Her-Talk, over 4000 gazillion brain cells have died, and economists estimate that the Clinton campaign has spent over $1 trillion on the Her-Talk War.

In response to Clinton’s announcement, the liberal group Moveon.org released an ad today attacking the Her-Talk War. It featured Clinton’s now infamous 2007 “Mission Accomplished” speech from the headquarters of the Klu Klux Klan. In the ad, Clinton is wearing the Annie Oakley hunting jacket and thumping a bible in front of a banner that declared, “Mission Accomplished.”

The poll, conducted by CmyBS, found 133 percent of Democratic respondents think Clinton misled the public to support her invasion of the Democratic primaries. They cite her dependence on Karl Rove, Bill Kristol and Rush Limbaugh for moral guidance as evidence that she is anything but a Democrat.

Terry McAuliff, responding to the poll, blurted out, “Actually, 85 percent of your respondents hate you.” He then wiped away a few tears and ran away, sobbing.

The poll contains more bad news for Clinton: 106 percent of Americans said the media played a part in spinning coverage of the Her-Talk War, arguing that the rosy reports of Hilary’s comments contrasted the reality. For instance, Clinton appeared to be liberal opposed to free trade even as her chief campaign adviser, Mark Penn, was engaging in efforts to pass free trade legislation; Hillary “Rich People: God Bless Us” Clinton failed to tip working woman, Anita Esterday, even as Hillary “She’s Worked the Night Shift, Too Clinton got portrayed as a working woman’s woman; Clinton claimed the mantle of leftist, even as she “disagreed” with its base in the company of her ruling-class supporters.

The growing contradictions in Clinton’s comments are evidence that conditions in Her-Talk are careening toward all-out civil war. More brain cells died in April than in any other month since the primaries began. In spite of widespread opposition to the on-going campaign, Clinton has largely surrounded herself with advisers who insist that the Her-Talk War is working and Clinton is winning.

A Clinton spokesman, speaking on condition of anonymity because he might be institutionalized if his identity were known, said, “If Clinton were to quit the race it would send a signal to our enemies and embolden them.” He also said that maybe nobody understands Clinton today, but that “History will vindicate her.”

In another sign that the public is tired of the Her-Talk War, the cottage industry of pro-war bumper stickers is rapidly fading as an alternative trend gains steam. “Support Hillary Clinton, bring her home now,” reads a popular sticker. "Out of Her-Talk now," reads another.

Clinton remained upbeat on the campaign trail, despite the bad news and flagging support. In Puerto Rico, Clinton told a throng of supporters—numbering about seven—that she expects Obama to drop out of the race any day now.

“We are winning this race, and it’s time that Barack Obama acknowledge it and step aside,” she said, laughing and crying at the same time.

 

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