After admitting gross failures in all branches, the Federal government will close as of November first.

Citing public criticism and acknowledging limited competency in spite of size, the Federal Government has admitted, with great sadness, that it is not too big to fail. Social Security, Federal Prisons, Courts, Armed Forces, Post Offices, Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, swat teams, F.D.I.C offices, Treasury, Immigration, offices of the Senate and House will cease operations.

The stress over losing the latest wars, i.e. the war on drugs, failing at health care reform, bankrupting the nation, and diplomatic failures, constant public criticism and death threats have caused the government to dissolve itself. It plans to retire and spend more time with family .
All government functions and responsibilities will be simplified and shrunk by members of the Tea Bagger movement.

Movement spokesperson Filthy McNasty is quoted as saying, " We intend to dismantle and privatize anything that moves".