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Life Arts

American Fellatio

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From http://www.flickr.com/photos/60586954@N00/5171712826/: Oral sex
Oral sex by Proxy Indian

(a metaphoric essay)

"...so once a lady came to me and asked if it was a sin to perform fellatio. I said to her that I would be glad to advise her, but I didn't know what fellatio was. Then she showed me. And since that time, whenever a lady asks me about fellatio, I always say that I don't know what fellatio is."

   Rowan Atkinson, as Mr. Bean, the Priest

Adagio, arpeggio, staccato, soprano. Those magnificent musical terms defined the fun of my childhood. There was something magical in them, something noble and special. In my mind they were always associated with something good. That's why I never accepted "The Sopranos." It was inconceivable to me that a term so dear to me could be used in such a terrible context. Then came fellatio.

Fellatio, or oral sex, is so commonly mentioned that one could read about it even in the articles of Christopher Hitchens, the recently deceased Shill of Shills. That unfortunate British gentleman revealed that he truly admired the dental work of American girls, because it made oral sex much more pleasurable. Hitch did not mention how old the girls were, but a reader could get the picture. The younger, the merrier. That brings us to the blowjob life of the American teenager.

American parenting is full of love.  Love oozes through the pores of all discussions, polls, and downward hysterics. If we filter that love-avalanche through a set of keywords, we can get a very concise message: Do not get into trouble. For boys, that means: Don't do drugs or make someone pregnant. For girls, it means: Don't do drugs or get pregnant. There is nothing else. Oral sex is thus okay for both parties.

In terms of mechanics, fellatio is intrinsically undignified. A woman is usually on her knees as she sucks the genitals of the male. If that is not a message of utmost submissiveness, I don't know what is. It is not even clear whether the woman who gives oral sex experiences an orgasm. A skillful man could caress a woman properly, but it's doubtful that most teenage boys are capable of it.

The major effect of oral sex is a sense of humiliation, at least for the partner on the giving side. I would even go further. My own perception is that, because oral sex is most common among teenagers, and the young girl involved has her first experience of it with someone immature, the resulting humiliation is both deep and permanent. Yet, I have never encountered any expressions of outrage on that point by otherwise fiercely feminist mothers known for their deep concern about their daughters' physical and psychological well-being. Fathers have always been silent on the matter, due both to the notion that it is a mother's job to teach her daughter the feminine dignity, and also to the guilt many of them carry into parenthood for being on the "receiving" side when they were young. For both mothers and fathers, the matter of female humiliation resulting from oral sex is simply swept under the carpet.

The Importance of Gender Equality

While heterosexual oral sex leads to a humiliation of the female that is especially harmful in the case of teenagers, that effect is usually avoided in normal, consensual sexual intercourse. The difference can be attributed to one reason, and one reason only: gender equality from start to finish.

In both its practice and history, oral sex is far removed from equality. It came to the West from the old  East, from the time of the harems, in which the sexual satisfaction of the Pasha or Khan was an obligation--a job, so to speak. When the chief wanted to be pleasured in a certain way, every woman at his disposal was obliged to be happy to satisfy him. The harem was the embodiment of utmost humiliation, and the women in it did not even consider their dignity. They were there simply for sex and procreation, lock, stock and barrel--in the same way women are now in whorehouses and in the grip of sexual slavery. Oral sex has always been a cheap surrogate for normal intercourse, which men make use of in order to experience a sense of domination. There is no tenderness in it, no femininity and no mutual bonding. It is a mechanical process, which, when it comes down to it, could be provided as well by a machine.

I have news for you, Dear Ladies, you whose constant talk about your concern for your daughters adds up to little more in the end than giving them license to do whatever they want. As soon as your Precious sucks even once, she will be damaged goods whether she spits or swallows. Not only will she carry the humiliation of the act forever inside herself; she'll be seen through by others as someone who participated in it. No one who sees such a woman can help imagining what she did with that pretty mouth of hers when she was a teenage girl, in some cases even before she learned to kiss properly. Her original dignity and purity will be gone forever, with no chance they'll ever be recovered. She was not raped, and therefore subject to support. No, she surrendered her dignity for a cheap thrill, for an Esau's soup, if we may use the biblical reference. That damage is irreparable.

There is one other troubling effect of oral sex: boys who receive it as teenagers lose their respect for women forever. To them, the girls who give them this pleasure come to be regarded simply as sources, as precious machines. They never experience the human maturation of the first love and first suffering associated with normal intercourse. The same goes for girls. Since I am not a girl, I can't speak absolutely for them. But in discussions I've had with women on the subject, they've told me that their experience of oral sex (which in most cases is not initiated by the female) resulted in a sense of disgust that overwhelmed all other feelings and continued to infect all of their subsequent relationships with men. Experiences that violate personal dignity never die in the heart. Yes, a person can struggle to suppress the bad feelings, but they never go away. Submission, disgust and humiliation evolve into bitterness.

The Broader Implications: Fellatio as a Form of Spiritual Abuse

We have an abundance of bitterness these days. Our feminist movement, for instance, is focused primarily not on improving the lives of American women, but on getting even with men--any man, and all men--no matter what. First and foremost, men are forbidden to pass judgment on any women's issues. They have also been pushed out of the role of active parenting. All of these encroachments are based on the notion, widely propagated and nourished, that men are natural oppressors and dominators. Why do women believe that men would harm the development of their children's personalities?  Surely, one of the factors contributing to that opinion is their past experience with men in acts of oral sex.

In America, fellatio has become something more that a purely physical act. In my view, it has become a widely acceptable act of spiritual abuse. That irrepressible "sucking sound" can be heard in every place in the country where people are willing to accept total submission and an absolute lack of dignity. Americans, men and women, suck the genitalia of the powerful on a regular basis: it has become a part of the American way of life. We can see this clearly in the behavior of the media--the ultimate fellatiosi, the virtuosi of fellatio. They suck so much that they sometimes have no time to refill.  

The media operate on the premise of "total satisfaction." A reader or a TV-viewer is treated like a John in the whorehouse; he is there so that he can be made to feel absolutely good about himself. That's why, on news programs, there is always a dose of perverse sex coming from the female anchors, in the way the camera shows them on those ugly chairs where you first see their legs, then their breasts. After that, there is no need for real news--or even for men, for that matter.

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The writer is 57 years old, semi- retired engineer, PhD, PE, CEM. I write fiction on a regular basis and I am also 10 years on OEN.


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I respectfully would like to state that this artic... by Mark Sashine on Saturday, Jul 27, 2013 at 12:59:19 PM
Mark Sashine's article on fellatio is courageous a... by David McElroy on Saturday, Jul 27, 2013 at 2:41:04 PM
Thank you, Mark, for addressing a subject which if... by Stanislaus Wojnowski on Saturday, Jul 27, 2013 at 3:53:49 PM
anyone that is 'disrespected" after giving a blow ... by laurie steele on Saturday, Jul 27, 2013 at 4:11:47 PM
I don't believe your perspective is even close to ... by Jim Arnold on Saturday, Jul 27, 2013 at 5:25:58 PM
I am trying to explain that if the society reject ... by Mark Sashine on Saturday, Jul 27, 2013 at 5:49:45 PM
that would explain their fascination with those hu... by Jim Arnold on Saturday, Jul 27, 2013 at 6:46:23 PM
... by molly cruz on Saturday, Jul 27, 2013 at 5:36:54 PM
And thus I come to you with merely a question:What... by Daniel Geery on Saturday, Jul 27, 2013 at 6:05:34 PM
but the case is closed:)I am a man, so it is ... by Mark Sashine on Saturday, Jul 27, 2013 at 6:30:57 PM
the "case of sex" is never closed. Particularly fo... by Daniel Geery on Sunday, Jul 28, 2013 at 12:04:37 PM
still publishing your writings at OEN. Have you be... by Gentry L Rowsey on Saturday, Jul 27, 2013 at 6:56:45 PM
a good place for engineer:)But... I also have been... by Mark Sashine on Saturday, Jul 27, 2013 at 7:04:19 PM
1. Have you ever been fellated to a climax?2. Has ... by Simon Leigh on Saturday, Jul 27, 2013 at 9:27:29 PM
There is nothing dirty about sex, be it oral or re... by Burl Hall on Sunday, Jul 28, 2013 at 6:07:55 AM
Folks, do not change the subject. The essay is met... by Mark Sashine on Sunday, Jul 28, 2013 at 6:37:10 AM
If I recall from a comment you made towards my wri... by Burl Hall on Monday, Jul 29, 2013 at 5:48:42 AM
Burl, you are much more in the real world that acc... by patricia win on Friday, Aug 2, 2013 at 1:28:55 AM
Well, friend. I may previously have insulted you w... by Derick West on Sunday, Jul 28, 2013 at 7:06:43 AM
and i will be happy to receive any  info you ... by Mark Sashine on Sunday, Jul 28, 2013 at 7:37:31 AM
From my somewhat limited experience of unmarried w... by David Chester on Sunday, Jul 28, 2013 at 9:24:04 AM
It follows, then, that parents would do well to te... by Joe Casey on Sunday, Jul 28, 2013 at 2:16:50 PM
should teach about dignity but not sucking themsel... by Mark Sashine on Sunday, Jul 28, 2013 at 2:37:15 PM
too, too much of a very small part of sexual grati... by Archie on Sunday, Jul 28, 2013 at 6:09:14 PM
that  a metaphor cannot cover the whole spect... by Mark Sashine on Sunday, Jul 28, 2013 at 6:51:45 PM
This writer pins the topic, its abuses and resulta... by M.I. Lee on Sunday, Jul 28, 2013 at 8:39:24 PM
amazing how men are speaking for women, once again... by Doc McCoy on Monday, Jul 29, 2013 at 1:12:34 AM
Animals also eat each other. I don't think we shou... by Mark Sashine on Monday, Jul 29, 2013 at 5:46:56 AM
Animals "eat" each other.  In more ways than ... by Doc McCoy on Monday, Jul 29, 2013 at 7:20:12 AM
in the comment below ... again... by Mark Sashine on Monday, Jul 29, 2013 at 7:26:30 AM
my thoughts exactly...and I rarely agree with you,... by patricia win on Friday, Aug 2, 2013 at 1:32:22 AM
I once attended  the birthday party of a fell... by Mark Sashine on Monday, Jul 29, 2013 at 7:24:55 AM
we;re not only human...we also have an animal side... by patricia win on Friday, Aug 2, 2013 at 1:35:11 AM
I am tired to repeat that I used the act as  ... by Mark Sashine on Friday, Aug 2, 2013 at 6:03:50 AM
Yet another article supposedly about sex, in gener... by Leftcoast7 on Saturday, Aug 3, 2013 at 6:36:27 PM
1.  As far as I am concerned it is  exac... by Mark Sashine on Tuesday, Aug 6, 2013 at 12:04:21 PM
I can't say much about the indignity of society, a... by Jim Arnold on Tuesday, Aug 6, 2013 at 12:50:33 PM
When I was  on my first  document - fill... by Mark Sashine on Tuesday, Aug 6, 2013 at 2:01:26 PM