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Life Arts

A Letter to ImPastor Jones

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Dude:

What are you thinking? When Attorney General Eric Holder met with you yesterday and urged you to reconsider your plans to burn Qurans on September 11th and went so far as to say this idea of yours is "idiotic and dangerous", which part of this little meeting did you not understand? Maybe he should have used stronger words to make himself (and the position of many) very clear.

I have a few minutes, so I'm happy to do it for him.

Rev. Jones, you are crazier than a rodent on meth stuck inside a pinball machine and you need to have your three brain cells head examined. What "in God's name" are you thinking?

Because, you sir, are dangerous all by yourself no mastermind.

Jesus may forgive and all that but I think he's a little too busy trying to answer the prayers of the hungry, homeless, disease and war-ravaged to write a note excusing you for your bad behavior. So, you may want to consider seeking forgiveness elsewhere, even though morons like you should be put at the front of the line.

Even with mounting pressure from the White House, religious leaders and General Petraeus, you obviously seem to think you have a better grip on what's "right' and "wrong" for our country. Or, maybe you are just like the balloon boy family and want your fifteen minutes of fame. (In case you didn't realize it, that balloon family recently moved from Colorado to Florida, so you are going to have some stiff competition. Apparently, there's a powerball lottery on lunacy in the sunshine state these days since California has gone bankrupt. Collect all 247,000 of them.)

From msnbc: "Jones, known for posting signs proclaiming that Islam is the devil's religion, says the Constitution gives him the right to publicly set fire to the book that Muslims consider the word of God. He refused to cancel the protest set for Saturday at his Dove World Outreach Center, which espouses an anti-Islam philosophy."

The Constitution gives us all the right to say and do a lot of things Mr. Jones, like say that you're a complete a**hole. So, allow me to exercise my Constitutional rights right now. You're a complete a**hole.

Dove World Outreach Center, my nonexistent gonads.

Let's take a look at that .

Dove: The bird of peace. Also a soap that celebrates beautiful diversity of bodies. Kind of like the beautiful diversity of people and their (choices to practice, believe or not) religion. Can't beat that. So far, so good.

World: Not just the little one you live in, but the whole big, problem riddled, ugly planet. You are a speck of bird poop on the cosmos. If only your hatred could be as easily hosed down and washed away.

Outreach: To reach out. Touch others.Like AT&T without all the hidden fees. Well aren't you doing a stellar job? You've garnered the attention of the Attorney General, our government and a guy who is trying to keep our troops alive. How's that working for you?

Center: Middle. Gathering place. Core. You and your however many disciples followers are not the center of anything other than your own delusional thinking. Don't put our country in the middle of it.

And since you seem to have no problem at all "exercising" your rights, you seem to have lost sight of how to practice what the name of your church implies. What you are attempting to preach is outright hatred. So while I've got your attention, let me remind you not to confuse "center" with "root".

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Patricia A. Smith is a writer and artist (and sometimes both at the same time). A former columnist, restaurant critic and cruise line executive, Smith has lived in London, Greece, Denmark, Hungary, Egypt, Costa Rica and France. She returned (more...)
 
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Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.... by Philip Pease on Wednesday, Sep 8, 2010 at 11:30:23 AM
Made me smile anyway. Love the candid sentiments. ... by mrk * on Thursday, Sep 9, 2010 at 9:09:23 AM
Perhaps the people in his community will lynch him... by David Roche on Thursday, Sep 9, 2010 at 11:18:46 AM