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"Evolution is Intelligently Designed: Social Darwinism, Silver Spoons, and Our Emperor’s Call to Arms to Sustain the Ric

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America is addicted to oil. My family and friends arise each day and thank God for this fact. Unfortunately, oil is often imported from parts of the world which have not embraced the ways of the Empire, like the Middle East. The best way to handle that problem is through military intervention. That way corporations like Halliburton (which services both the defense and petroleum sectors) can continue to enjoy unprecedented profits. Since 2001, we have spent nearly $10 billion to develop alternative energy sources, but that was merely to appease those idiotic environmentalists, some of whom actually believe Global Warming is occurring. Exxon Mobile logged earnings of $36.13 billion in 2005, the largest profit in US history. You live in a fantasy world if you think we are truly seeking to overcome our petroleum addiction.

Despite the fact that the No Child Left Behind initiative has further reduced public education's emphasis on critical thinking and analysis while heightening its focus on rote memory and test-taking, I am committed to maintaining the illusion that America leads the world in human talent and creativity. Tonight I announce an American Competitiveness Initiative, to ensure the preservation of our economy to the extent that the upper .1% can continue to prosper. While leaving a majority of American students with dulled intellects to lessen the possibility that they will challenge the ruling elite (and to provide Wal-Mart with a work-force), we will develop a select few in the areas of math and science. The humanities encourage independent, critical thought and an examination of history, society, and politics which could lead to dissent against our tyranny, so those subjects will be de-emphasized. The math and science are essential skills for those we will use to staff the military industrial complex.

America is a great force for exploitation, immediate gratification, xenophobia, and unbridled greed. Our greatness is measured in power and luxuries, not in how we treat people. We strive to appear compassionate, decent and hopeful as we execute our narcissistic, malevolent, and avaricious agenda.

In recent years, America has become a nation based on the theory of Social Darwinism. The prison industrial complex is thriving, with non-violent drug offenders doing hard time while "white collar" corporate executives who have fleeced shareholders and employees of billions do short stints in country clubs. Welfare cases have dropped thanks to significant cuts to entitlement programs. The gap between the rich and the poor in America has widened to a chasm. There have been fewer abortions, and it is likely to be a short time before abortion will again be relegated to back alley butchers.

These gains represent a quiet transformation--a devolution of conscience. My Regime has played a huge role. Wise programs such as tax cuts for the wealthy and deep cuts to programs benefiting the most vulnerable members of our society have seriously eroded the character of our country. And we are proud of that record!

And many Americans, especially our own religious radicals amongst the Domionists and Religious Right, still have deep concerns about the direction of our culture. They are deeply alarmed by threats to their fragile psyches as they desperately cling to their heterosexuality, terrified that they might actually discover they are gay. Activist judges threaten to legitimize the sin of homosexuality by allowing the abomination of gay marriage.

To ensure that the legislating that does occur from the bench is slanted toward archaic moral principals (i.e. rigidly defined sexual roles), property rights over human rights, profit over humanity and the environment, and the concentration of power into the Executive Branch (my hands), the Supreme Court now has two new members. Please welcome Chief Justice John Roberts and Justice Sam Alito. They are here to ensure the further erasure of progressive gains made throughout the Twentieth Century.

Today marks the retirement of Justice Sandra Day O'Connor. Good riddance to her. Her vote was far too unpredictable.

A society resting on the premise of Social Darwinism disregards the public trust. The members of my Regime are Machiavellian adherents to the philosophies of Leo Strauss. For people like us, and for our friends in corporate America like Ken Lay, ethics and morals are impediments to our success. It is necessary that we strive to give the appearance of adhering to them. Our society would not function if the working class did not buy into their value, but the reality is that for the elite, they are mere hindrances. Our challenge is to achieve our goals through grossly unethical conduct while creating the appearance of propriety.

A society in which the rich prey upon the poor does not come to the aid of fellow citizens in times of suffering and emergency. That is why we allowed 1500 to die in New Orleans and hundreds of thousands to scatter to the wind in a diaspora unparalleled in American history. So far the federal government has committed $85 billion to the reconstruction of the Gulf Coast and New Orleans, and you can bet we won't waste it on poor, non-whites. Corporate America and my rich cronies will be the beneficiaries of this largess.

Social Darwinists leave fights against diseases like HIV to faith-based groups and churches. Due to their irresponsible behavior and drug addictions, the largest segment of American society infected with HIV is African American. We will not pay for their ignorance.

My Regime is calling you to continue waging war against humanity. History is turning a wide arc, toward the shore described in the Project for the New American Century. The destination of history is determined by human action, and you are either with us, or against us, as we strive vigorously to attain global hegemony.

Lincoln could have accepted peace at the cost of disunity and continued slavery (which, come to think of it, would not have been such a bad thing). Unfortunately, Martin Luther King did not stop at Birmingham or at Selma, which has necessitated the appointment of Roberts and Alito. The United States is complicit in the oppression of others, but it is for a noble cause: the continued prosperity of our plutocracy. Having come this far in enhancing our abundance, we must decide, will we turn back, or finish wealthier?

Before history is written in books, it is written in courage. While my Regime lacks courage, we have an abundance of deceit, cunning, and motivation to expand the Empire. We will lead tyranny's advance. We will dominate the globe. We will renew the defining Social Darwinism which slipped away at the close of the Gilded Age. And so we move forward--optimistic about our increased opportunities to expand our riches and confident of the profits to come.

May God bless America's plutocracy!

(Essayist's Note to Credit the Author of the Actual State of the Union Address: I acknowledge that fragments of Bush's actual speech are interwoven throughout my version presented above).

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Jason Miller, Senior Editor and Founder of TPC, is a tenacious forty something vegan straight edge activist who lives in Kansas and who has a boundless passion for animal liberation and anti-capitalism. Addicted to reading and learning, he is mostly (more...)
 
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