To think, to feel, to be conscious, it seems is to practice brain chemistry. And the truth is, no one really understands fully how it works, although we know that it does.
WHAT TO SAY For the lay person there are three major components to remember: 1. Presentation 2. Rapport 3. Suggestions for Healing
A brief overview is possible here, but a more thorough and necessarily detailed understanding is presented in the book The Worst Is Over.
Presentation Whether you are the helper, the loved one, the friend, the doctor or the good Samaritan, for the time that you are with the victim, you are the authority. Your presentation-your approach and your attitude-is contagious. Whether you are calm or in a state of panic, the way you feel will be communicated and, in all likelihood, recreated in the person you are trying to help.
Paramedics know intuitively that it's always best to take a moment to center yourself whether through a deep breath, a brief moment of prayer, or by collecting your thoughts. It may only take a fraction of a second. But in that briefest of pauses, you can create the calm confidence that may be just the medicine that's needed.
You're there because you want to help. Remember that frightened people tend to focus their attention on the person who seems most sincere. Speak in a calm, clear, kind voice. Praise positive responses. But keep realistic. There is no better way to present insincerely than by diminishing, invalidating, or dismissing a person's genuine discomfort or fear. Stay away from comments such as "Everything's fine" (unless you are absolutely certain!) or "Oh, that's nothing!" If you can think of nothing to say, hold the person's hand (if you can safely do so) and tell them, "The worst is over. Help is on the way. I'm staying with you."
Rapport
In essence, this is a state of understanding, trust and positive expectation. Without it, many contend that very little in the way of true healing can occur. While it is a strong bond once formed, it is also fragile and easily broken in its early stages, especially in a crisis. There are numerous techniques a person can use to gain rapport with another person: Direct Contract, Pacing, Diversion, among others. No matter which technique you use, the same principles apply. We want to be respectful, realistic, and confident. We want to project some authority (without being demanding) and keep our comments uncomplicated. A few examples are as follows: Direct Contract "I'm Jane. I'm going to help you. Will you do as I say?"
Pacing "You're really scared, I can see that. I'm going to help you now."
Keep in mind that when in doubt, leave it out. If you're not sure whether what you're about to say is a good idea, forget it. You can listen, hold a hand, lend your support in many other ways. You don't need to use words to be a compassionate and helpful presence. Although if you're going to use them, it helps to know how. Unless you're very sure of your medical knowledge, make no specific references to physiological processes. Keep your comments general and positive.
Suggestions For Healing
This is the crux of the matter. Once you've mastered presentation and rapport, and you know the person trusts you, you are prepared to deliver therapeutic suggestion. This concept is the most exciting and demanding of the three and demands a great deal of time and concentration in our workshops. However, there are some basic rules of thumb. Again, keep it simple. If you don't know what to suggest, you can rely on a rather general healing statement, such as: "You can relax knowing the healing has already begun." Know that imagination is more powerful than knowledge, particularly in a stressful time. The person's responses will be coming from imagined possibilities, not from the facts. In VERBAL FIRST AID, we describe in more detail how a person can imagine a burn injury being "cool and comfortable" and reduce scarring, inflammation and pain. Every thought or image can cause a physical reaction. So, it's up to us to make that reaction a healing one.
J. Acosta is a writer and practicing clinical psychotherapist. She has written two books: THE WORST IS OVER (2002, Jodere) and THE NEXT OSAMA (2006). Her third is due to come out some time next year and she is currently in the middle of her fourth.
She has her practice in New Mexico with her canine therapeutic assistants. She has worked with anxiety and fear in patients for twenty years. She has watched it, felt it, wrote about it, and helped heal people from it. As a result, she has learned a few things about fear, particularly that growing epidemic she calls VIRAL FEAR.
