"No kidding," I said, realizing that I was about to hear a story.
"Yep," he said. "I was cuttin' timber one day, usin' a ten pound ax, when this varmint comes into our camp and headed for the cook's tent. Well sir, them lumberjacks scattered for fear of their mangy lives. Not me 'cuz that bear made me mad......by the way, do you want to buy me a beer? My mouth is awful dry."
"Bartender, give us a beer and a sarsaparilla," I said, ready to pay a buck to hear this man's story. There was something about him that appealed to me. Even in his drunken state, he had spunk.
"As I was sayin', that bear had me upset because he ate my chicken and dumplins which didn't bother me none, but then that critter gulped down my blueberry pie. Now that got me all fired mad. Nobody eats my blueberry pie and gits away with it."
"I can't blame you," I said, chuckling to myself as this old coot relived his story by swinging his arms and raising the beer to his lips for a swallow.
"There he was slurppin' down my pie when I charged into camp. Soon as he saw me, he knowed he was in trouble 'cuz he ceased slurppin."
"What'd you do?"
"Why, I done what any self respectin' lumberjack woulda' done," he said, sweeping the hair out of his face. "I ran over ta where he was standin' and grabbed a-hold of his tail and bounced 'em betweenst a couple of trees. I thrashed 'em and I bashed 'em and then I thrashed 'em some more."
"What was the bear doing during this bashing?" I asked.
"Whall, he was so ah scared for his life that he crawled out of his skin and ran off into the woods and nobody done ever heard of him agin."
"You must have been a bit sore after the fight weren't you?"
"Whall now, I had a few calluses on my hands, but nuthin' to speak of....o' course, there was another time when I was face to face with this killer...."
"That's okay, Ugly," I said, seeing his empty beer glass, which meant the next round was coming out of my pocket. "I've got to be getting down the road."
"I guess yore right sonny."
"By the way, what's your real name?"
"You can call me, Ugly," he said. "It don't matter what you do in this life, as long as you're happy. I'm happy bein' Ugly."
