Their theory of "corporate personhood" says corporations have the right to speech -- with their only vernacular, money. At least they're bilingual, offering politicians both cash and checks.
Mitt Romney readily agrees that "Corporations are people, my friend!" And, as we all know, people who need people are the luckiest people in the world...
Since corporations are people and not dogs, they ride inside the car and not on top of it. They can even drive the car -- and they do. Who are they? We don't know. The political shock troops of corporate America are fighting a "DISCLOSE Act" which would let us know which corporations are behind which campaigns.
So if you still don't think we're living in a Catch-22 world, consider this: That means corporations are "people" who have the right to speak - without ever being heard.
But listen. Did you hear that? "If there is anyone in the vicinity, please respond ..." The signals are finally coming through here and there. They're even forming a rescue party or two. But the ideas and the volunteers are still few in number.
Mayday. Mayday. Mayday. This is the United States of America. Our democracy and economy are failing. Our lives are endangered by greed and weather. We are abandoning our old and our young, our poor and our disabled. Our blood and wealth are being squandered in deserts and mountains.
Our rights are being sacrificed on a cash-and-carry altar. We're threatened by faceless corporate entities, by the technologies of espionage and intrusion and remote-controlled weaponry. Our political offices are "remote-controlled machinery" too.
Our pilot and crew are under the influence of unseen forces. Our position is unknown and our time is growing short. We have 311 million souls on board. We are in urgent need of assistance.
In other news, we've been told that the White House Correspondents' Dinner was very entertaining.
It's May 1, 2012. It's May Day. Mayday.