OpEdNews - Page 2 of Article: Fun, Love, Sex, Sadistic Politicians, Judges, Prosecutors, and Mercy for Paris Hilton

Avoid any food, which contains any substance that ends in "–ite."

Avoid any food that contains any substance that is Hydrogenated.

Avoid MSG-monosodium glutamate. Avoid Modified starches of any kind, as in; modified food starch, modified wheat starch, modified cornstarch, etc. Avoid Autolyzed yeast. No, not plain old yeast, avoid Autolyzed yeast!

Avoid anything that contains anything that sounds like it ought to be pumped into or applied onto your automobile or motorcycle. It ain't food!

In a restaurant, send back any drink in which the server hands it to you with his/her hand over the mouth of the glass or bottle.

Don't buy stocks from a guy named Frenchy, or Duke, and don't lend them any money, either!

Don't borrow money from a guy named Vito, Spike, or Guido, who work in the cement business. If you do your life insurance company is sure to drop you.

Don't have sex with a gal named Trixie...
She's my sister.

The moment you hit age 50, every single night, the later the better, like 8:00 or 9:00 PM or later, have your dinner. Start by eating massive quantities of Prime Rib, smothered in pork chops, with bread and baked potatoes slathered in globs of butter and a large Lobster slathered also in a tub of melted butter, and have gobs of Crème' Brulee' for desert and a huge wedge of Chocolate Devil's food cake with a giant dollop of ice cream slobbered with whipping cream, with custard, and butterscotch syrup. Wash it all down with a couple of dozen beers, then instead of driving home, jog at a fast pace, doing a series of forward flips or somersaults every fifty yards, when you get home run up and down the stairs for a half an hour or so. Hey, it's a quicker way to go than the alternatives.

If anyone to whom you are married or dating says they want enter politics, tell them you would like to become a prostitute. If they still want to be in politics, both of you should make lots of money, but you will make yours putting smiles on the faces of clients who usually never smile and your politician friend will send tens of thousands of young people to their deaths and/or maiming. Which of you do you think has a better chance of going to Heaven? Recall Jesus and the woman caught in adultery, and John 4:4-42?

Before you have sex, with a new date, both of you must go get checked out for communicable diseases and especially STD's and share the results with each other-that might be fun! Or not! (If there are more than two of you consider dumping one of them and buy one of those Japanese lifelike, articulated, full sized, supermodel look-alike, soft, latex sculpted, sex dolls.) (Or maybe, you'll want to dump the other two and just get two of those dolls. Buying them is about the same price as an auto and that's a lot cheaper if you are a male, than dating, or marriage and divorce.)

Never, ever, date anyone who is seeing a shrink! Many shrinks can't heal anyone. I once (literally), dated a beautiful gal who was seeing a shrink. The shrink was employed primarily to advise her on, and analyze her relationships, and invariably she tried to break them up because that is easier than trying to treat the patient, plus that makes the patient totally dependent on the shrink and places the spot light on someone other than the patient. Patients sometimes get testy about being analyzed; they often go to a shrink to analyze their friends, and especially those they sleep with, not themselves. Since these shrinks rarely cure anyone, they avoid focusing on the patient's problems and instead focus on the problems of those they encourage the patient to talk about, thus keeping the patient dependant on them and assuring themselves of a long range income.

I asked the gal to ask the shrink how many times she had been married. The answer? Five! And she cheated on every one of them, blaming each of them for her actions. My terms for the gal, dump the shrink, or take a hike. She dumped the shrink and the relationship lasted about four months, 99% of the sex came in the first two months. 99% of her complaining came in the last two months. I made an appointment for her with a good shrink I knew and said goodbye to her. I ran into her not long ago at Macy's, fifteen years later. She had been married four times, lived with guys seven times and was now and for the last three years, happily, for the first time, living with her lover, a gorgeous gal! Go figure! Gee! I wonder if she and her girl friend would like to... skip it, they are probably both seeing a shrink, or maybe the girlfriend is a shrink?

My advice above is half-truth half tongue in cheek. What I say below is all truth and serious. (Heheheh)

You know what? There was an American Native who thought no white man's bullet could ever kill him. For a long time none did, then he was captured and murdered by a guard who shot and killed him. In the end it mattered not, what he believed once reality set him.

I knew a guy who married a gal who was in debt up to her ears and she had a good job. He believed he could teach her how to be more frugal and he had a better job and made plenty of money. Five years later, they went bankrupt. In the end, it did not matter what he believed, when reality set in.

I knew a gal who married a brooding guy who gambled every night. She believed her love would convert him, they also went bankrupt and he committed suicide. In the end it mattered not what she believed when reality set in.

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