He knew well what articles he had bought during their marriage and he understood his wife's way of handling the issue. His joblessness and inability to afford even small necessities for the family have made him inwardly timid and chickenhearted. Therefore, he does not generally speak to his wife and his parents. He thus tries to remain aloof from his family too.
He is a regular subscriber of the News dailies. Until a few years ago,
he used to make cuttings of important events and keep them in a file.
He had filled four small and big diary books with possible questions
on general knowledge. He was well aware of any current events of the
world, but nowadays he does not read any news with interest. He is
more interested in the "wanted columns" than in the news. He makes
himself a candidate for any post he thinks suitable for himself, but
there is no one to push him up for it.
Therefore, all his efforts go in vain. Nowadays, he has no energy and
interest left in applying for any job as he knows very well that a man
is not considered suitable for a post at the present time quite
because of his qualifications (sic). And thus, just for the sake of ritual he
sends applications. He has to attend at least two interviews every
month but he is almost certain that these interviews will be a
habitual custom that he has been fulfilling.
He has gone through several interviews before these and thus he knows what these interviews are and why they are held. But like a dog kicked three hundred and sixty-five days in a year and worshipped the three hundred and sixty-sixth day, and like the saying that a good day will certainly return even for a widow after the lapse of twelve years, he too has
kept within him a tiny and narrow hope that a good day will come to
him. It is this hope that has helped him continue to live at the
present time, otherwise he has no faith in his living at all.
He did desire many times to start a private business but the lack of
his abilities for investing money didn't allow him a situation for
starting any enterprise. On one hand, his family background and his
prestigious status in the eyes of society didn't permit him to begin a
business below his standard, and on the other hand he could not afford
to start a business keeping up this so-called prestigious standard.
Either he had to be born in an extremely high noble family or he could
do something if born in a lower status. It has indeed proved him a
curse to be born in a middle class family. Had he belonged to a high
noble family he would have faced no difficulty at all, but if instead
he was born in a low family he would not be compelled to live a life
with no confidence whatsoever in living. In that case, he could make a
living by selling meat by the roadside or selling cheap things spread
over a flat bamboo platter (Nanglo) or by driving a three-wheeler
passenger cycle or a bullock cart. But he belongs to a class which has
to protect the dignity of his forefathers and save his family
background from social criticisms and ironical remarks.
In such a situation as this, anger often surges within him against his
own father. His father never crossed the borderline of honesty as a
result of which he remained as poor as ever. He did have opportunities
of making money. He knows for sure that the money that had stepped
into his family threshold was kicked out by his father.
His father had started his job with the strong inner faith that if he acted honestly, God would feed him even by providing a lottery to him. Thus his father got his retirement because of his honesty with a monthly pension of
just seven hundred rupees. He had managed to buy a very small plot of
land on which he could erect an unfinished old house except which he
could save nothing for the future. Now at present, he has handed over
to himself and his family a short story of honesty and a long history
of scarcity. And the whole family is enjoying what he has been able to
It is indisputable that he has to struggle for existence and he has
understood too that in the modern age when one cannot survive only
through struggle he is a traveler who has lost his sense of direction.
He is lost in the path of life from where he can neither come out of
himself nor is there anyone who would pull him out or push him forward
towards his goal. Therefore, sincere work, talent and education will
not be enough in this environment and in it if he has been able to
accomplish anything by being born as a human being, he has increased
the lineage of his father, otherwise his existence even for him is
almost finished and in it he has no doubt whatsoever.
Therefore, in the name of living even if he is equipped with talent, he is carrying on a life with no real existence and enjoying tireless labor and
inferiority complex in this ceaseless battlefield.
"Thanks to the political instability and growing violence." He told me.
Journalist and Story Writer Kamala Sarup is associated and writes for mediaforfreedom.com. She is specialising in in-depth reporting and writing on Peace, Anti War, Women, Terrorism, Democracy,and Development. Some of her publicationsare:Empowerment in South Asia, Nepal. Prevention of trafficking in women through media,(Book) Efforts to Prevent Trafficking in for Media Activism(Media research). Two Stories collections. Her interests include international conflict resolution,cultural communication,philosophy, feminism, political, socio-economic and literature.Her current plans are to move on to humanitarian work in conflict areas in the near future. She also is experienced in community development.A meeting of jury members held in Geneva attributed Kamala Sarup,with an Honurable Mention of International Award for Women"s Issues.
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