February 18, 2007 at 12:26:36

War Wounds Of The Mind Part II: Discussions With PTSD Sufferers

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By John Carey (about the author) Page 2 of 3 page(s)

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Then he lays out the dilemma to the man he wants to take the job. "There is only one hope of shortening this war. Daylight Precision Bombing. 50,000 airplanes. That's what they say they are making. I wish I had 500....I gotta ask you to take nice kids and fly them until they can't take any more. And then put them back in and fly them some more...We've got to find out what a maximum effort is....how much a man can take and get it all. I don't even know if any man can do it."

Many of the Vietnam Veterans could empathize with this film and this theme. But as Army Veterans they still thought the Army Air Corp men of WWII "could at least come home every night to a meal, the club, and a bed."

One veteran talked very eloquently, as if it was just yesterday, that he would spend weeks in the field, eating rations, not able to bathe, and then return to real sheets, real beef and lots of running water. He said his brain was "always seeking the real reality."

One Vietnam veteran told me he was on Hamburger Hill. He was among the relief troops that fought their way into Plei Ku. He fought at An Kie near the DMZ. He was in Vietnam for Tet 1968 but he had arrived in 1965. He was with the 1st Air Cav.

"Why were you in Vietnam so long?" I asked. He said he was the oldest brother. Another brother was near him during the first part of his tour (199th Light Infantry from Fort Hood) and he extended in country to be with brother number three (1st Marine Division) when he arrived. Good reasons.

Many of these veterans admitted that the war may have brought out or aggravated pre-existing conditions. Some talked of alcoholic or abusive fathers and other situations often associated with trouble later in life.

One Vietnam veteran had obviously given a lot of thought to his condition and the condition of his fellows. He told me, "When you are young, you think you can do anything and handle anything. So you come home from war and you cope. You know things aren't right but you keep moving. Maybe you drink or do drugs. The problem is: as you age, the disease doesn't get any weaker and maybe it gets stronger. But YOU get weaker with age. Like a shed with a tin roof that gets snowed on every winter; it is good for a long time. Then one winter it rusts through and everyone is amazed."

Another said, "We were wolves. We trained as wolves. We became wolves. And after a long plane flight home we were expected to be perfect lambs. It didn't work for me."

Looking at these aging veterans, it was difficult to see the wolves. And one of them must have seen that in my eyes. He said, very softly, "John, we were all young and beautiful once. We were SEALs, Marines, Airborne. We were the young, the proud the tough. It is only when you become old that you become philosophical."

Young wolves aren't philosophical, I know from my own experience.

Finally, without too much introduction I would like to share the poem below with you pretty much the way it was shared with me. He introduced himself, told me his story briefly, and said, "This popped out of me during treatment and I have carried it ever since."

I sat down, read it twice with a tear in my eye, and then said a short prayer, asking God to protect warriors everywhere and always. And I thanked Him for bringing these men to me or I to them.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Poem From A Vietnam PTSD Patient
During Inpatient Care
Year Approximately 1985
Anonymous
(More Appropriately, Name Withheld at His Request)

The ward is so cold this evening,
And I am so very alone
Except for the ghosts to keep company,
and the sins I'll never atone.

I am sorrow, I am pain. I am
tears that won't go away
I am the shiver of the first chilly night
When autumn has come to stay.

My brothers are tucked here with me,
Sharp objects are all locked away
But there is no protection from inside
Of hearts whose lives have gone astray.

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http://peace-and-freedom.blogspot.com/

John E. Carey is the former president of International Defense Consultants, Inc.

The views expressed in this article are the sole responsibility of the author
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