As a mom, as all moms do, survival mode clicked in immediately. After my voicemails and emails were ignored by school administrators, I turned to the Orange County Human Relations Commission, with the hope that a Mediator would clarify the denial of prom attendance, and intervene with the school's decision denying Nick's attendance at the senior prom. I truly believed that this time, there was a county government agency that could assist in such a discriminatory hate crime, by a public high school.
Afterall, why would any educational institution deny a child's attendance at a prom when other non-students were allowed to attend the school event? So, as I prepare to submit this article for publication to www.OpEdNews.com, it is the day before the big senior prom and no communication from the OC Human Relations Commission or school administration has been received.
The prom dress, tickets, flowers and limo are ready to go but yet, there are two children still waiting with hope, that someone will provide permission to allow Nick to attend the prom, as a date of a school student. Really, all the children needed was the respect of an explanation as to why Nick was denied attendance to the senior prom.
Last note, shortly after I contacted the OC Human Relations Commission to request an investigation of a potential hate crime and denials of due process by a public school, new information was delivered to me.
Yes, in my opinion, Goliath may have appeared again in our lives; unfortunately, no proof at this time. However, the news delivered was that a prominent and high level priest in Orange County also serves on the OC Human Relations Commission, the government agency with expertise and responsibility for investigating hate crimes and discrimination in the affluent and well-known Orange County, California.
Wish us luck tomorrow -- send your prayers. Two precious children again must face a challenging situation, without an explanation. Unfortunately, the children were not granted the respect of a statement by school or the OC agency where the hate crime report was made.
Family blessing for this week. A hate crime appears again but we are very thankful for this week's lessons and as always, we have the clergy abuse survivors and their families to thank. Your courage to speak out so others are safe from sex abuse has made a difference.
At one time, survivors were a David fighting against Goliath alone, without support. Today, Goliath is still there and alive -- but David gets stronger by the day and so many otheres are understanding the importance of fixing the wrongs that have been committed.
As an amateur writer, mother, wife and legal secretary for the past 25 years, my passion for the courage of clergy sex abuse victims, their families and mandated reporters, who made a choice to protect children, before their own career security and ego, has evolved over the past 5 years.
My husband, Michael, is a former Catholic high school teacher and coach, who was forced to make a career change without due process of the law. He will soon complete his Masters Degree in Special Education, his new-found passion. Our children, Nicole, Rachel, Brent and Laurel are a gift to us and all who meet them. We pray our children and the world's children will witness society correcting the wrongs committed against innocent children and families. Without justice, there will never be peace; without peace, faith and our country's laws are empty.
I understand what you are going through.....it's horrible! It's also very difficult for most other people to understand...just why this would be so upsetting......they get irritated!
I want to tell you something though...and this is more than an opinion; it's my profession.
These abusers come across as committing a hate crime because they project their own feelings of guilt and disgust and hate towards themselves, and others; ( i.e. an employer)...... their own bad lives, situations and existence ...onto the victim. (most often the victim is an innocent child, and/or vulnerable...or a woman like you who goes out of her way to help others....or a disabled or mentally ill person who cannot protect themselves)
They sense, or smell their victims.....they hate them, because the natural 'goodness' they sense intensifies their own inadequacies . They do not want to feel the way they do because it is very unpleasant for them..they don't feel in control. (Again, all of this is unconscious) So they export all of their garbage onto the victim , and who most often imports it. In turn, they feel unburdened and clean and free again.....in control! They see 'their own garbage' in the other person as if looking into a mirror. In short, the victim is used for the purpose of making the abuser feel better about himself. It really is not about the other at all.
It's a complicated psychological process called 'projective identification' , and it's much more difficult to deal with than something like a 'street crime like a mugging', in which case you know this is about the other and not personal,
Most men fear nothing more than being/becoming victims themselves...they are cowards...they think 'victims' suit women and children. If they are victims, they will not admit it, not even to themselves.... they lash out.
(of course this is not limited to men, but true for many women as well)
The whole thing is 'crazy -making' for the victim. And when they think the worst is over ...like yourself...you are not prepared for the surprise .... it's only beginning.
The agencies and people who are supposed to help you...the ones who talk so freely about fighting abuse and neglect...so sure of themselves and their good intentions.....all they do in reality is enable the abuser. He is stronger and more powerful than you or them...he scares them...and he is so very much in control, and he speaks so rationally compared to the victim who is understandably disturbed, injured, emotional , angry and upset.
The abuser is a 'leach'......the neglect of the enabler becomes more hurtful than the original abuse. It goes on and on in a vicious cycle.
I don't know how to help you other than explain what I did, because I myself have not recovered from a situation that is not so very different in the dynamics. I wish you well and I hope you have more support than I did.
Katrin
by
Katrin R. (3 articles, 0 quicklinks, 11 diaries, 525 comments)
on Tuesday, June 27, 2006 at 3:01:47 AM
