What A Great Freakin' War!!

Maybe you’re angry because you think the same American soldiers whom people like George W. Bush are always hiding behind should actually have adequate armor to fight the war they’ve been thrust into, rather than their families having to hold bake sales to buy it for them. And maybe you also think they should be treated a wee bit better than they have been at Walter Reed (and far beyond) when they come home wounded, or they have to fight harder than in Anbar to get the benefits owed to them out of the military. But what Bill Kristol knows is that you can’t make an omelette without breaking some eggs! So lighten up on that whole concern-for-the-troops thing already. (Unless you’re the president doing a photo-op, of course.)

Don’t tell me you’re chagrined at the idea that American forces may be in Iraq for another decade, or even for a full "generation". Probably that’s just because you or someone you know might have to go fight there. People like Kristol never do, of course, so why should he worry?

Are you angry that well-connected cronies and corporations got rich off this war? That eight billion dollars in cash went completely missing in Iraq? That multi-billion dollar no-bid contracts got paid out for jobs never done? That American soldiers worked and bled and died for peanuts alongside mercenaries making four times as much salary? That we will be paying for this war in interest on loans and expensive treatment of the wounded for generations to come? Yeah? Well Bill Kristol thinks you should get your priorities straight!

Have you somehow come to the conclusion that turning one-fifth of Iraq’s 25 million people into either corpses or refugees hasn’t exactly been a great liberating service to that country? You know, sorta like when we told them to rise up but then stood by and watched Saddam mow them down. Or when we turned a blind eye to Saddam’s use of chemical weapons against his own people, and even protected him from condemnation for those crimes at the UN? Bill Kristol thinks that’s because you just don’t know the true value of freedom and democracy. Oh, and you put too much emphasis on that whole not-getting-killed thing.

Are you one of those whiney liberals who believe that this war – whether one supported the idea of it originally or not – has been ridiculously mishandled from the beginning? That there were never enough troops sent in? That allowing rampant looting was stupid? That failing to have plans for the occupation of a country of 25 million people constitutes criminal negligence? That firing the Iraqi army was just as idiotic as sending thousands of armed and angry men home unemployed sounds like it would be? That purging the national government and infrastructure of all Baath Party members was a prescription for chaos? That allowing civil war between Sunni and Shiite was disastrous? Yeah, well, Bill Kristol knows better. He understands that what’s really important is that the massive levels of violence and pandemonium of these last FIVE years (count ‘em) are now possibly slightly lower than the outrageous levels they’ve long been at, and could conceivably stay that way.

Can’t you see the small picture here? Kristol can. I guess that’s why he has a New York Times column and you don’t. I guess that’s why the president listens to his advice and not yours.

Who could blame him for being angry and vituperative toward dangerously silly Democrats who don’t see the peril facing our civilization?

Such quibblers! So what if the war was sold on completely fabricated lies, was supposed to be a cakewalk but has now lasted longer than World War II, has divided the country and made the world hate us, has squandered our (borrowed) resources and broken our military, has brought instability to a volatile and crucial region and allowed a real national antagonist to double its power, has diverted our resources from the still-uncaptured guy who supposedly attacked us on 9/11, has become a factory for producing anti-American terrorists, has wiped out over a million innocent people and turned more than four million into refugees? So what if this war has now supposedly been ‘saved’ by precisely the same strategy that was vehemently rejected by the same people in the beginning?

Let’s keep our priorities straight here, people. All that really matters is that we’ve seen a possible slight improvement in levels of violence in Iraq over the last couple of months (all of which may be due to a host of possible factors, including that there aren’t many people left alive to fight there anymore). Get it?

Some people think that burning down your neighbor’s house and having your own catch fire as a result is a highly stupid and really criminal thing to do. What neocons like Bill Kristol understand, though – and what naive liberals will never get – is that what really matters is whether you can slightly diminish the rate at which the flames consume those dwellings, five years after starting the fire. That’s what’s genuinely important – not the ashes where the houses once stood.

If you understood that simple principle, you wouldn’t be complaining about this war so much. Rather, you’d be "celebrating" how well it’s going.

If you understood this logic, you’d have supported the war from the very beginning, as William Kristol did. (Which of course has nothing to do with his apparent defensiveness about it today, we can all rest assured.)

In fact, if you were as smart as Bill Kristol and the other fine folks who brought you the invasion of Iraq, you’d quit with all your smug complaints, once and for all.

And you’d realize what a great freakin’ war this really is!

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