March 26, 2008 at 02:23:20

A Western Fable: Waist-Deep in the Big Muddy (Again)

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By Bernard Weiner (about the author) Page 2 of 2 page(s)

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To make a long story short, our occupation of the ranch went into the toilet, and we no longer were seen to be on the moral high ground after word got out that our guys were abusing the locals we had captured. Every month, we lost more and more of our own hired gunslingers to the rebels in ambushes and sneak-attacks, often without the right armor to protect themselves.

Some weak-kneed namby-pambys said it made sense at that point to abandon Double I-Ranch, which was consumed in chaos in any event, as various factions among the ranchhands were fighting among themselves. But even though they hated each other, by this time virtually the entire I-Ranch population, employees and just regular locals alike wanted us to leave. Even some of those ungrateful leaders we'd installed felt the same way. Many of our supporters thought we were bogged down there, for sure, and could be in that mess for decades.

Even if there were no stockpiles of advanced weapons, and no Double I-Ranch connection to the Okalahoma City bombing, our guys were on the ground there, as planned, so it made sense to send in more armed ranchands and just power on through and come up with a victory down the road somewhere. Not just on this ranch, but in the entire area. So we built huge staging bases on the ranch, which would be used for leverage in getting our way with the other property owners in the region whenever we decided to move.

NOW IN OUR SIXTH YEAR

I'll try to bluff those owners into giving us effective access and control over their land, livestock and resources, including water and even possible oil fields. But, if that doesn't work, I figure since we still are the most powerful landowners in the county -- our Flying W brand is a strong one -- we'll just take what we want by force, if it comes to that. And why shouldn't we? We are the Good Guys. Almost all the politicians and local reporters say so. Of course, I own or can control virtually all the papers and radio stations/TV channels, and, for that matter, most of the politicians who count, too.

Trouble was, this damned operation, which is now in its sixth year, is costing us a humongous fortune and folks on my Flying W ranch are starting to get restless, since I don't have much money left over to repair our fences, maintain our herds, and repair our ranch buildings. And many are noticing that I'm financing our campaign to control the grazing fields and herds and natural resources by borrowing heavily from outsiders -- mainly from those who might be future enemies. This means that my kids and grandkids will be paying that huge debt forever.

Even worse, the lies and deceptions that my friends and I had told early on to get us into attacking Double I-Ranch are now coming back to bite us. Even many of my supporters who agreed with my plans at the beginning are rejecting me now that the going is tough. Indeed, folks are talking about a public lynching unless I abandon my "extreme" agenda. In short, I am so unpopular -- sometimes I feel like a skunk at a nudist colony -- that my supporters probably aren't going to be able to control the County Council in the next election.

To which I say a hearty "Fuck you!" to one and all. You have no power, I have all the power. And our side is winning; we're winning, I tell you! And I have faith we will achieve victory. Someday.

Or, if not, so?

I'm about to retire and move to Costa Rica or Paraguay or somewhere. So what do I care if I've screwed it up so badly that whoever comes after me will be waste-deep in the big muddy for years, with nowhere to go but down? In the meantime, maybe I'll attack another big ranch in the area. Why? Just because I can. And it will provide a great distraction from my other...uh...projects.

In short, I don't recommend trying to cross me. Just lie back and enjoy it.

If any group moves against me and tries to destroy my rule, I'll take them all down with me when I go. Them and the whole goddamned ranch. It's that simple. You choose. #

Bernard Weiner, a poet and playwright, has written numerous parables, political fantasies and satires of the CheneyBush Administration ( www.crisispapers.org/weinerpubs.htm#fantasies ). A Ph.D. in government & international relations, he has taught at various universities, worked as a writer/editor with the San Francisco Chronicle, and currently co-edits The Crisis Papers (www.crisispapers.org). For comment: >>crisispapers@comcast.net .

First published by The Crisis Papers and Democratic Underground 3/25/08.
www.crisispapers.org/essays8w/fable.htm

Copyright 2008 by Bernard Weiner.

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Bernard Weiner, Ph.D. in government & international relations, has taught at universities in California and Washington, worked for two decades as a writer-editor at the San Francisco Chronicle, and currently serves as co-editor of The Crisis Papers (more...)

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