3. Welfare recipients. Many of these citizens, often minorities and poor whites, contribute little to society and help drain its resources. In addition, even if there were jobs out there, their employment skills are so minimal as to leave many of them in a permanent underclass status.
Here they would be working off their debt to society, and learning skills along the way that could result in good jobs for them if they survive the experience: security guards, executioners, demolition technicians, etc. These Welfare Brigades would give them status and plaudits in our society. See also: financial savings, as noted above.
4. Illegal immigrants. There are now more than 10,000,000 "undocumented" aliens in our country, and many in our electoral base are mad as hell that those illegals aren't being caught and deported.
Here's a way of satisfying those anti-immigrant forces. At the same time, we will be giving something to the commie liberals who support the illegals being in our country. We accomplish this by giving these wetbacks a way to earn citizenship, a way for them legally to make money for their families back home, and by helping them come out of the shadows and celebrating their contributions to the cause of protecting America.
See also: financial savings, as noted below. Note: We'd have to find another subgroup to pick the crops. Perhaps we could bring over a whole lot of poor Iraqi refugees to fill those jobs so vital to our agricultural economy. Immigrants from Darfur also might be added to the cheap-labor pool.
5. Convicted felons. Our jails are stuffed to the breaking point with millions of convicts, many of whom would jump at the chance of reducing their sentences by serving in the military. Von Ryan's Express on steroids.
In addition, since the great majority of those prisoners were convicted of non-violent crimes, most for possession or sale of drugs, they might be enticed into the program by mentioning the fact that Iraq is right next door to Afghanistan, where the best poppies are grown, if you get my drift.
Great financial savings of not having to pay the high costs of incarceration.
6. The elderly. We wouldn't want those who are in final-stage skilled-nursing facilities, but there are millions in independent-living retirement villages and suchlike, just kind of vegetating there while their bodies and minds begin to fail them. They (and their harried, grown-up children) would jump at the chance to have these oldsters actually do something, anything, and be honored and rewarded for their patriotism and willingness to jump back into the fray. The Geezer Brigades.
We might also want to consider recruiting in early-Alzheimers wards, as they are likely to provide the most docile recruits, who, because they would have little awareness of the bad things that could happen to them every day, would be extremely malleable soldiers, with no risk of rebelling.
See also: financial savings, as noted above.
SPINNING THE SPIN
As for the P.R. spin, Karl and the speechwriters could have the President say something like:
"My fellow Americans, when I first announced the augmentation of our Iraq initiative, I mentioned the term 'sacrifice,' referring to the heroic efforts of our soldiers on the ground. But sacrifice isn't the only operative word here; we also have to speak of duty and patriotism and service to one's country.
"So tonight I'm announcing new job opportunities in the global war on terrorism, and I know Americans, wanting to help our troops abroad and help defend our country (with a salary commensurate with their experience and their jobs) will rally to the cause and join the new legions of volunteers. In particular, I want to speak to those of you in the following categories: ...etc. etc."
I think this approach would work. Are you guys ready to consider it?
Bernard Weiner, Ph.D. in government & international relations, has taught at universities in California and Washington, worked for two decades as a writer-editor at the San Francisco Chronicle, and currently serves as co-editor of The Crisis Papers (www.crisispapers.org).
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