O'Reilly said that no action would be taken against the editors and publishers of the country's major newspapers, networks and cable TV and radio news outlets. "They established their patriotic credentials long ago, and are either supportive of the Bush agenda or know when to keep their traps shut," said O'Reilly.
Rush Limbaugh has been appointed director of the National Institutes of Health's pharmacy, and Jeff Gannon is now Protocol Chief in charge of entertainment and overnight stays at the White House.
President Bush announced today that he would fill the seats of three retiring Supreme Court justices -- John Paul Stevens, Stephen Breyer, Ruth Bader Ginzburg -- with Michael Brown, Alberto Gonzales and Harriet Miers.
"These new appointees are three of our finest public servants, who have demonstrated great loyalty to my person and policies," said President Bush. "They know that everything changed on 9/11 and that me and my Administration are working hard for the American people. They will serve the nation well in making sure that our Administration's actions always will remain 'within the law' -- by validating with their unanimous opinions those decisions I take in the service of protecting the American people from threats to our national security. Everything changed on 9/11; the terrorists hate us for our freedoms, you know."
THE PRESIDENT'S MERCY
Finally, President Bush today issued a full amnesty and/or pardon for those felons from his Administration and Congress currently serving time in prison or those under federal indictment or grand jury investigation. Included among those hundreds are the Cabinet, Karl Rove, I. Lewis Libby, Tom DeLay, John Ashcroft, Bill Frist, Duke Cunningham, and such stalwart Administration backers as Jack Abramoff, Ralph Reed and Kenneth Lay.
"These are loyal Americans all, who have worked tirelessly for me and thus for the good of our nation, and were hounded by over-zealous prosecutors with hidden agendas," said President Bush. "These pardons and amnesties will ensure that they return to their good work in the public and private sectors, and will continue advising me well."
Switching places with the pardoned felons are such "over-zealous prosecuters" as Patrick Fitzgerald, James Comey, Ronnie Earle, and Elliot Spitzer. Among notables known to have been rounded up and sent for re-education, based on their harsh critiques of Bush policy: Lawrence Tribe, Anthony Lewis, Richard Clarke, Paul O'Neill, Lawrence Wilkerson, Paul Krugman, Molly Ivins, Noam Chomsky, Frank Rich and Seymour Hersh. Numerous other notables reportedly have fled to France.
President Bush said he issued the amnesties now to "have our full and best team in place as we prepare for whatever foreign and domestic actions may come in the immediate future." It is believed he is referring to the impending military action against Syria, Iran, North Korea, Venezuela, Cuba and Bolivia.
More secret prisons are being built to accomodate the expected thousands of detainees from those conflicts. But, said Defense Secretary Rumsfeld, "there will be fewer prisoners than in past wars because we fully intend to exercise our dominance in the nuclear-weaponry field. The advantage in using such WMDs is that it reduces the number of prisoners to care for and also keeps other foreign countries from even thinking about criticizing our policies. In short, it's a win-win for America and for the expansion of freedom around the globe."
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Bernard Weiner, Ph.D., a playwright-poet, has written numerous satires and parodies ( www.crisispapers.org/weinerpubs.htm#diaries ). He has taught at numerous universities, worked as a writer/editor with the San Francisco Chronicle, and currently co-edits The Crisis Papers (www.crisispapers.org). For comments: >> crisispapers@comcast.net <<.
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